Sometimes I come here and I have no idea what to write,
Other times I have so much to say, and absolutely no time to write it down.
Then there is times like tonight, where I have a million things running through my head, and all the time I could want to get it all "down on paper" so to speak.
At any given moment in my head its like a very spunky hamster is running on a wheel after an extremely shinny object. The worst part of being me is easily living in my head. Second, would be having my heart to carry around. Lets not even get into how easily I am controlled by my emotions, and just work with how many times this big heart has been cracked into pieces.
I couldn't even begin to count how often someone tells me how strong they think I am. Truth is, I am not really that strong at all by my own standards. Being strong to me means that you can handle anything with your head held high. Honestly, each time I break I come back together with more pieces of me numb then before. I am sure that under a hi-tech x-ray my heart is fused in places like a quilt. When I fall down, I fall all the way down. There is no doing anything half ass with this chick. Face down in the mud, eyes full of tears, and feet out from under me.
My point is, I have fallen more times in the last 5 years than I would like to admit. Now, I am not talking about having a bad day and throwing your big girl panties back on after a good cry. No, I am talking about the world as you know it falling apart around you. I have moved 9 times in that 5 years and have changed by leaps and bounds. I am no where NEAR the girl I was November 2009. By the end of 2010 I was starting over and scared of doing everything wrong.
Flash forward 5 years and you will see a woman who may not be as strong as she would like, but she will not back down without a fight, She stands up for what she believes in, and has passion running through her veins with every breath she takes. She is raising strong and beautiful children, who know who they are. She has faith in who she is, and what she can do in this world. She lets her heart lead her and her head guide her.
And you can bet your sweet ass I won't let myself down. I got this, and no one can make me feel or think any differently.
TheMrsMommy
