Is this thing on?

What? You want to know where the hell I have been for the last three months? OY VAY!

I can tell you that I have rarely sat still in the last year. With three kids, two arms and a hell of a busy schedule I can't believe Christmas is a week from today and that my little boy will be 1 in a little over a month. Where did the year ago? How on earth is my last baby almost 1??

To say I am freaking out on that one would be a complete and total lie. I am so torn between feeling excited about how life is going to change and being so very sad that I will never nurse another brand new baby. Sappy much? *insert tissue here*

Being a mother is one of the most amazing things I will ever do in my life. Its a non stop, stressful, and completely enjoyable job to have. I love seeing my children grow and enjoy things. Watching their minds work and explore is absolutely amazing.

With Christmas just around the corner, I am reminded of the special people in my life that bring me such joy and how lucky I am to be me. I have an amazing husband, I loving and supportive best friend and the *family* I choose to have.

Its eye opening to realize that just because someone is realated to you does not make them good for you, and that just because someone has always been there, doesn't mean they will be there forever. So for now, I am living in the moment. The crazy moment that is my incredibly blessed life and I know I am right where I should be.

The Angry one

This is not a happy post. This one will not be funny and it will not be light. You have been warned.

I am so fucking tired of shit right now. I mean seriously, why in gods name does shit have to flow so fast and furious some times? My husband currently has no respect for me. My two year old is slowly trying to kill me and I have not slept for more than three hours at a time in almost a fucking year. The only thing keeping me from downing more alcohol is Debbie, my sweet baby boy and my incredible fear of dying. No worries peeps, I am not going to off myself. That would just be so depressing and whatnot.

However, should you feel the need to come and whisk me away to some far away place where everyone is sweet and nice and loves you for just you....

I PROMISE I WILL DRIVE!!!

Unexpected

I love change.

I love new things and new experiences.

I love things out of the ordinary and things that are completely unexpected.

Things like amazing people and intellegent conversation.

What concerns me is why I am so impressed by easy going, fun to be around people. Shouldn't this be the norm? Why are there so many more negative unhappy people in our lives than the people that make us smile and breathe easy?

It simply amazes me how easily I can be made happy and comfortable by having the right kind of people in my life.

I hope this becomes my NORM.

D-O-N-E

You read that right. I am just straight done.

Done being the person that tries to perk you up and make you feel better. Done being the optomistic person that tells you everything will be fine and done trying to help you be happy.

For the record, this letter will not be mailed.



I tend to be the supportive person. I will help you with whatever you need whenever you need it. Pick you up when you are down and pat your back when you deserve it. But you know what? I am just straight fucking tired of being that person. I can't take the negative shit I have to trudge through to do it.

*CLOCKINGOUTNOW*

Much Love,

Mrs. Mommy

P.S. Please don't call me about this post. I blog to say what I feel, not to have a conversation about it. Feel free to comment, cause hey thats what the post a comment section is for. But don't ask me to talk about it. I would have if I thought for one second that I needed to drag it on anymore.

Its a two Prozac kind of day round these parts

It doesn't help that I woke up on the anxious side of the bed this morning.

Add to that, Lil R is on one big time. Getting in the baby things, and by in I mean IN! Look over and homegirl is laying in the bouncer. WTF? Bug is almost 7 months old. I thought this phase was over. He volume control is stuck at 7 out of 10 and she can NOT calm down. Its just to much for me some day. Top it off with how cute she can be and I have no idea what to do with her.

Big R is whiny. OH SO WHINY! Come on...Its only 11 in the morning and I have only had one cup of coffee. You so don't NEED to whine about everything. (AKA "MOM!! I can't hear it, Lil R is being loud, make her stop!" (whine whine whine) I have been forced to MAKE them play with their toys in their room. Thats right, I am the horribly mean mom that is forcing her children to play with the hundreds of dollars worth of toys in their room. *BADMOMMY*

Did I mention that the family dog decided to bring a dead rodent of some sorts into the house? I didn't...My apologizes.

*DEADANIMALINCRAZYLADIESHOUSE* *OMG*

Uncontrolable shivering and screaming commenced and I was just plain usless. Seriously, I tried to get it with the tongs about 4 differnt times. I couldn't even get close enough to it to take a decent freaking picture for the hubs. Thankfully my wonderful MEX-ICAN neighbors (no sarcasium here at all! I love them! They can do anything I swear!)were next door building a deck for my other neighbor.

When this crazy lady opened the back door shivering and asking for help I think they may have thought for a minute or two that there was actually an unwanted person in the house instead of the TINY little mouse looking thing they found. Behold the THING!



I did say it was a two Prozac day right? Yeah...Off to take ANOTHER pill.

Top Ten Tuesday! FALL!

Hello my 5 commentors. :)

In honor of Amanda and her Top Ten Tuesday game as well as Bree's beautiful FALL post I am jumping on the Top Ten Tuesday bandwagon!!




So in no particular order at all, here are my Top Ten favorite things about Fall.

1. The leaves turn to bright beautiful colors.

2. School is back in session. I love the new clothes and routines and just every bit of it!

3. The smell of the air. Yes I mean that just like it reads. I love being able to smell the Fall in the air. Its sweet and cool. (closes eyes and smiles)

4. Impending holidays. Oh yes my peeps, I LOVE LOVE LOVE holidays. I am talking obsessive almost crazy (Ya I know, I am crazy) love them!

5. Back to routines. Everything seems to calm down and fall into place in the Fall.

6. All the rich dark colors come back into style!

7. HOODIES! OMG...I can Lurve Lurve Lurve Hoodies and I can't wait to wear one everyday!

8. Baking and Cooking. I love the smell of baking and cooking in a warm house.

9. Being outside. Being outside in the cool air is so refreshing. Its so cozy and wonderful.

10. My best friend Bree I love her with my hole heart. She knows me and gets me. I missed her so much more than I even knew and sharing my love for Fall with her is FREAKING AWESOME!!!

What about you? What do you love about Fall?

Shabby state of affairs

This house is in chaos. There is so many things I want and need to do.

1. We finally got the fence done, but since have done not a damn thing in the yard and its shabby out there. I mean BAD. The weeds are winning the grass in the war to take over the yard. Between the kids and the dog, it *MAY* look like the definition of white trash trailer yard out there.

2. I am sure you understand why I sit inside the house at the computer now.

T3. he house inside needs to be organized. I say that loosely because I don't know what I can organize. We live in a house that we occupy every single bit of space in. There are not any closets or shelves. What shelves we have added in are completely full with kitchen things as I am a big time cooker.

4. The walls are white. *ENOUGHSAID*

5. Nothing really matches. Its all kind of thrown together. I am not really bother by it, it just feels like nothing really meshes.

6. I MUST HAVE CHANGE. This is not an options peeps, its a *MUSTHAVE* I rearrange the furniture, the kitchen gadgets and the things on the bathroom shelf. Its the only way I can *FEELLIKE* I am doing something about the way the house feels. Unorganized and skattered around.

Now while the previously listed things all bother me in one way or another, they are not listed in degree of saverity or anything like that. They are just the things that I know I would like to *CHANGE* We will be painting the house in September. THANK GOD! We are going to get our butt in gear out in the yard, cause by god it doesn't look like anyone gives to shits about this property!

Other than that...I think I need a different house and some money to fix the rest. Since the will not be happening for a while, I suppose I will just keep plugging away at trying to make it feel more like a home instead of a house.

Anyone have any suggestions for the crazy lady today? What do you do for change?

Oh the insanity!

I really hate being unsure.

I don't like feeling lost and not sure where to go or what to do. Double guessing myself and being full of anxiety. I know it's normal for me. I know it's part of all the craziness that is me. My problem is most of the time I don't know I am in it til I start taking it out on people. I hate that most. I don't want to be that person. That person that makes everything everyone else's problem or fault. That is just straight ridiculous.

I am an adult. I am grown woman who makes mistakes and bad choices. I am a yeller by nature. I was raised in a screamin demon home. I hate that I have no patience and I hate that I can take things out on people that did nothing wrong or at least nothing wrong that even pertains to what I am upset about or have on my mind. I don't want to be the raving mad woman that people don't want to talk to or be honest with.

Being open minded and honest is very important to me. If you do something I don't like I am going to tell you. Because quite frankly, I think you should know its not attractive. Kind of like telling someone they have lipstick on their teeth or a booger in their nose. Hell I would want to know!

My point is this, I know I am back and forth. I know I am up and down and usually side to side as well. For this I am sorry. It's not fair to the people around me that love me and actually want to be around me. It will get better because I want it to. And I can make that happen if I try.

Much Love,

Mrs Mommy

Reader Participation

Today marks the very first Reader Participation post at Knowin it. What I am thinkin here is a post designed to get you all a commenting. Not that "NEED" them or anything.

So my question to you my dear readers is this..

What about being a parent for the next (insert years til 18 yrs old here)makes you think you *may* not make it?

For me its the constant bickering between my girls. Quite frankly, it makes me want to rip my ears right off of my head. Just sayin...

The poopy diaries

Today marked the 4th MAJOR blowout Bug has had in under 2 weeks. Now when I say major I mean *HOLYFUCKINGSHIT* MAJOR! Running down the legs, out the sides of the diaper and UP the shirt! Dripping onto the floor and OH GOD the smell!

As I sat at my kitchen table this morning, nice warm coffee cup in hand...I heard Lil R say, "Mommy, Bug pooped. ALOT." I look over under the jumperoo and I don't see anything on the carpet. Why do I look there you ask? Cause 2 of the previous 3 incidents have taken place in the jumperoo and the puddle on the floor was unmistakable. Especially while Bug continued to jump in it getting the *POO* squished up in his toes.

*OHGODHELPME* *SHIVER*

Upon closer examination I found there were 2 drops on the floor. So I picked him up to run in and change him. You DO NOT want to know/see what I found, but by god I am a sharer and I must.



Oh yes peoples...That is SOMUCHPOO. *DOUBLESHIVER*

After tackeling the worst part of the mess, all while wrestling a little boy who was hell bent on holding on to the poopy legs and wiping it on the wall! Where was I? Oh yes, the aftermath...Oh dear the wreckage is BAD. You should know I RIPPED the onesie off and it went straight to the trash.



Yes that is ALL POOP COVERED!

*SHUDDER*SHUDDER*SHUDDER*

Oh the smell!! Gagging!!

After bathing the bug and making his un-pooped I had to survey the damage to the jumperoo. It was hiding on the underneath... Behold.



To make a long story shorter..I will leave you with some facts. 2 weeks, 4 MAJOR blowouts. Times Jumperoo has had to be taken apart and washed? 3 times. Times carseat has had to be taken apart and washed? 1 time. Do you think he ever thought to just poop a little every little while like he was just two weeks ago? Nope, he likes to hold out for up to 4 days and just SHIT EVERYWHERE now.

Thankfully no little Bugs were harmed during these events and he had no problems going to sleep after the whole ordeal. He was exausted, apparently poop takes a lot of ya. Litterally.

Me and food are TIGHT!

You could say I have a LOVE/LOVE relationship with food. I love how it feels to cook it, bake it and eat it. The memories associated with food are amazing. I never regret eating something I put in my mouth and there is not much I won't eat.

I tell you this not cause I want you to know why I have the chubs, but because I think people should really stop looking at food like its the enemy. Why not just appreciate it and enjoy it in moderation? Does it not taste oh so good? Should we not just accept and incorporate?

I love to create new food, try new recipes and all around just get my food on. Comfort food is amazing. I love to share my food and give it as gifts. I truly appreciate how it brings people together in good and bad times. Different textures and smells, oh I tell you its just FREAKING AWESOME!

But do you know that the best part of food is for me?

Cooking for my family and friends. Making them things that you can enjoy and appreciate. The look on their faces when they are enjoying themselves or just hearing about how good it smells or tastes. Oh yes peeps, this is my FAVORITE PART!

P.S.I don't mind grocery shopping or puttin the groceries away either! Boy do I love having a big old house full of food. Being able to pick what you want to eat out of so many choices..That is DA BOMB!

So go now my peeps...Get your food on and enjoy yourselves!!

Forgiveness

I have always forgiven easy. I don't like to be mad, I hate the way you feel and how you behave when you are. Or I guess I should say when I am.

When I fight with the hubs it rarely last more than 20 minutes. I don't like the uncomfortable air in the house when we do. We haven't always been this way, but I like to believe that as we have gotten older we have grown to be smarter and stronger.

Long story, short? Since I had Cree I have become a forgiven machine. Ask for it and you will get it. I am done bein mad peeps. I don't want to hold on to anger the way my family does. I don't want to be resentful and cold. I WILL NOT BE.

4 people down and 1 of them doesn't even know it yet cause he won't talk to me. Sad, but true. I wish he was in my life, but in my heart of hearts I really don't see it happening. He is not there yet and I don't know if he ever will be. I have tried to talk to him, but he is unresponsive on all attempts.

I miss you Shawn

With all this forgiveness comes such contentment. I feel better in my head and heart in the last two weeks than I have in years. I wouldn't say I am any less nuts, but if you have been readin for a while I am sure you know the story.

So hows about we show some comment love to the forgiver in the house??

Why does it have to be so hard?

I need the answer to just that peeps. I can't take another god damn fucking minute of this rollercoaster. One thing works out another breaks. Why can't everything just fall in to place for once?

If I make piece with one, it creates war with another. Do I choose one over the other or an I just as bad as her? So much in my head and by god it needs to fucking go elsewhere! I am mad, I am sad and just way to fucking overwhelmed!

Do I choose to start this? Put everything I have into it and see where it goes. I want nothing to do with both at the same time. I will not put myself in that position ever again. To trust is hard enough with just one, but both...That would probably off me.

So I try to think about it. What would I do, would I have done. I really don't know. So then I think, just let it go. But I can't, I will always wonder and want to know what is truly none of my business. Add to that, he doesn't get it either. He wants it to be over and I understand that. I wish I could understand it all myself. I don't want to be in it anymore either.

I want peace.

Thank god for sun!

Oh yes peeps it has been sunny for two, count um 1, 2 days! WOOT WOOT!

You have no idea with natural sunlight can do for this flower. Its amazing how much it helps me to brighten my life. Today I woke up and opened the blinds baby! Bring on the sun. I had a cup of coffee (duh), fruit and some yogurt. Not only did it feel good, but it gave me the peace I needed to start the day. Just sitting at the counter checking email and such while drinking a cup of coffee with breakfast. Oh I think that it will be a new daily staple for me.

Some days I am in my own head way to much. I could drowned in there if I let myself. I have been so overwhelmed lately. I love routine and getting things done and I think that is where I need to focus right now to keep myself level headed. You would not believe how therapeutic it is for me to keep the kitchen clean. You *heard* that right my friends. I am cleanin' that bad boy daily, some times more! Watch out world, I kick ass with soap!

I am still forgetful, I still freakout. I am a total sailor in the swearing department and I am comfortably on the chubby side...But you know what? I am TOTALLY just me and I fine with that.

A BFF and a need

About a year ago I *lost* my BFF. She was a great listener, always on my side and incredibly understanding. She always knew what to say because, well because she knew me INSIDE AND OUT. The kind of knowing that comes from growing up together and being by each others side for 15+ years. Since this loss I feel lost. I am so insecure in my friendships is unbarable. Its like I was broken so bad I don't feel like anyone will ever want a true one on one friendship with me. Sure I have friends, but not a GOOD BFF.

I know I was spoiled. I was told daily that those kinds of friendships don't exsist and hell it sure seems like people were right since that friendship blew straight apart the day her husband tried to ruin my marriage with *INFO* that he said she gave him. Information that he went to my husband with and caused incredible hurt and sorrow for no reason. Some of it true, most of it completely wrong and hurtful. All I can say is WOW, that was so not what I thought it was.

I have not talked to her for even one second since that day. Not a word. She still lives in the same house, we still live in the same house. I don't know anything about her life and she knows nothing of mine, well I don't think she does. Some days all I can do is think about her and how our friendship was. I want to pout and scream. I want to understand the "why".

Some days I come close to talking myself into calling her or stopping by her house to just start over, to pretend nothing happened or that it was all just one big mistake. Then I get incredibly angry at myself. How could I think for even on minute that is okay? That it can be forgiven?

The hard days in my life are the worst. I mean don't get me wrong, I am one lucky woman. I have a WONDERFUL husband, 3 healthy/happy children and all the things I truly need in life. For 95% of the time I am incredibly happy with my life and feel so blessed, but oh god that 5% kicks my ass. Its like being thrown down a hill that I just keep rolling down. I know I have a need.

I need someone to understand. I need someone to *get me*. To love me inside and out because they can't live without me. Now I know what you are thinking, I have the wonderful hubs. This is true, but oh how he doesn't get the shit flying around in my head. Its to much for him and I totally understand that. Fuck, its to much for me most days. I don't talk to him about it because I already know what he will say and its not what I need.

He will tell me to get over it. Because to him its just that plain and simple. Have a problem, deal with it. Fix it and move on. He takes everything with a grain of salt and I really wish I had that quality. For me its not that simple. I need more and I can't for the life of me figure out where to get it. I was lucky before and it fell in my lap during 3 grade. I know I won't get that gift again.

So what now?

My current life..

I adore how much they all love them some She-Ra Princess of Power



Tons of days spent with WONDERFUL friends



And a little baby boy that is growing so fast it makes me sad daily....

What I can control

After my post about what I can not control and Lauras beautiful words about how I should try looking at the world, I have decided to take a look at what I *can* control.

I can control my coffee intake!



I can control my home!



I can control how happy my family is!



I can control how I look at it all, maybe not how I feel..But how I CHOOSE to see it.



And I choose to be happy and healthy. I choose to love the people around me and enjoy the friendships I have in this life. Cause damn it people, I am one hell of a lucky girl!

The one where I tell you all about how big of a wuss I am.

Did I ever tell you how afraid of dying I am? Oh yes, I know this is one of the things you should not fear, but how do you not? Even worse than my fear of dying is my fear of something happening to my children. Some days it consumes me and I can't breath. I so despise anxiety and what it does to me. I hate the feeling of having no control of things and not knowing what to expect.

How to I prepare for something that I don't know how to control? In my last post I talked about this crazy lady not taking her crazy pills at this time. Well those *magic pills* make this crazy lady more level headed. You know, no racing thoughts or inability to sleep due to fear or fretting. Well I can honestly tell you all this Swine Flu shit is going to be the death of the crazy lady!

I know we deal with the flu and all that comes from it all the time. I know we can treat the Swine Flu and I know we as a nation will get it under control very quickly. What I don't know is how to keep my family safe, I feel like there is nothing I can really do short of staying in the god damn house away from the world. My fear of RSV kept me away from 95% of the world for three months. We didn't really start leaving the house til April 15Th. That is how much anxiety I have about RSV.

I know I should not fear what I can not control, but can you truly control your fears? That to me is like saying you can actually be patient when you are not a patient person. Hence my lack of patience. I read a quote yesterday, Pray about everything, worry about nothing. I love the sound of it, but I can't make it work.

Oh, don't get me wrong I am a PRAYIN...But I am still a WORRIN.

What the heck happened in here?!

Since having Cree the weirdest thing has happened, I have started cleaning. I am talking dishes, floors and laundry. I know what you are thinking, what the heck happened? You have three kids and now you have started keeping up the house?

Well I can tell you that I am about 90% sure is the lack of crazy pills in my diet. These Bi-Polar mood swings are going to either kill me or make my family turn me into the nut house. Some days I can't stop cleaning and reoraginzing the house, other days I can't even manage to shower.

Oh and don't get me wrong, I don't think that I am above the meds by any means! I just can't take the Anti-Anxiety/Mood swing pills while nursing chubs. I do however take the happy pills, no wonder Cree is such a good baby! Luckily the happy pills make me more mellowed out for the most part.

Long story short, I have been having a rough one the last few days. It has definately been more on the side of not wanting to do anything. Its like being lathargic and having no energy. It sucks...The lows are really hard. I quite frankly don't care for the highs either honestly, which is weird since most Bi-Polar peeps love them. I hate the feeling of anxiety and being anxious. That is where the need to get everything as it should be comes from.

The hubs thinks the house cleaning is awesome of course, to bad I know its not the "real me". Cause anyone that TRULY knows me, knows this chick ain't a cleaner!

My life through Miley Cyrus eyes

I first heard this song on American Idol a week or two ago, I of course can't remember for sure since I have three kids and no memory at all. It seemed like such a powerful song, such an important message to share. It was not until last night that I got a chance to listen to it again and really pay attention to the words. I was reading a blog by Johnathon Jay, you can check him out here.

http://jonnandkate.blogspot.com/2009/04/musical-monday.html

A young man fighting against cancer with the most incredible outlook I have ever seen. He is choosing to LIVESTRONG and that is nothing short of amazing to me.



The song really speaks to me on so many levels, it really is all about how you get there.

Running on way to little patience

I woke up this morning with about 95% of my patience missing. This is not going to be a pleasant day. I have been snapping and yelling. All this before 10 in the morning, dear lord keep the casualties to a minimum.

Rylee is in full blown whine mode, not actually talking or crying. Right in the middle with whinning. OMG. She is hanging on me and pulling apart the last 5% I have in me. I don't want to yell, I don't want to scream. I want to be the calm and collected parent.

Does anymore know where I can order more patience online for cheap??

Faith

Tomorrow marks the first time this family of mine will walk into a church. Although its not a conventional church, I have a very strong feeling that it will be just the right fit for us.

When asked about religion I have always answered...We have faith, not religion. I honestly do not believe in organized religion. For the longest time I didn't think there was a way to worship or celebrate our faith with out having religion be involved. I think I may have found the way for us to do just that.

If you know me IRL you are probably asking why church, why now? I don't know that I honestly have a good answer for that question. I just know that things have changed and I am looking for stronger faith. My husband is skeptical, but oh so supportive. I could not ask for more than he is giving me.

So if the world suddenly blows up at 11:15 tomorrow, you will know it was because we walked right on in with an open mind and open heart...

Birthdays...

Am I the only person that thinks birthdays are special no matter how old you are? I mean seriously, in todays world shouldn't we make sure to celebrate the fact that we have survived yet another year?

My dad is such an amazing guy. He has a huge heart and a hard life. He deserves his day. I am going to make it special even if it kills me...

Right now I have jumbo carrot cake cupcakes cooling on the counter. I am going to slather them in cream cheese frosting and take them up to my dad at work. Dinner was planned for tonight, but plans have changed. I will take him a homemade dinner to go, cupcakes and a very good present. I will sing him happy birthday and even if for only a minute, I will make him feel special..

Because birthdays are special.

Faith, Family and Friends...

I am so sure that all the dear internets have thought I died...Well you know all 4 or 5 of you that is. However, I have just been enjoying my life. I am so completely happy and content at this moment. Cree is growing like a weed, weighing in around 16lbs already! He will be three months old tomorrow and it is completely killing me that I know I will never have another newborn baby to take care of. I am pretty sure I could have a million babies, but lord knows I can't handle anymore kids.

Today we got the kids pictures taken. I absolutely adore Sears Portrait studio...They ROCK! The photographers are amazing and the shots turned out absolutely amazing. I may be a little bias, but I am pretty sure I have the most B-E-A-UTIFUL children ever. They are each so amazing in their own way. Rainee is smart and loving, Rylee is full of spirit and fun, and Cree is so calm and cuddly. I just can't imagine my life any other way.

Did I mention that I have the most loving and caring husband ever? Oh I didn't tell you about the hot stud that I am married to? Oh yeah baby! Yesterday I shaved his head and this will be the haircut keeper from here on out. The hubs looks different, and we all know how I feel about hair so this will take some definately getting used to for me. We are not talking about a completely bald look, but the trimmer doesn't go any shorter! Now if I could just get him to grow a beard I could probably technically be sleeping with a new man everynight.

Oh and did I tell you I have me some super great friends? Oh yes...There is La, Crys, Deb and Shi...Names edited to keep those in hiding that don't want other people to know they are putting up with me on a regular basis. I am a tweeting facebookin fool and I love it! I have decided that life is what I make of it and I want it to be awesome.

Now about the faith...This is still a work in progress, but I am pretty sure I am headed in the right direction. I feel good about where I am going and where I have been. Will provide more EXCITING info on this topic soon...Cause I am sure you are all dying to know WTF is going on in my crazy head about now.....

Facebook really is SOOO cool!

You know you love it..How can you not? Its like cheese to a mouse and crack to a whore. SERIOUSLY!!

I love seeing what everyone is doing all the time. I suppose this makes me one hell of a nosy person, but ya take the good with the bad right? I mean really, its even better cause its FREE! How many cool things in life are free?

I find myself on it constantly. I can lose so much time just looking at profiles and pictures. So if you notice I have not posted a blog in a while...Just check out facebook, I am sure I am there.

OMG...I really almost peed!

I know you have seen it...I am probably the only person thus far that is just hearing or seeing this...But OMG...I have not laughed that much in a while..If it is for real he needs some help, but if its a joke keep it coming cause it was damn entertaining!!!

Enjoy!

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My baby boy!!

I have the biggest little chunky bean on the planet...he is a boobie monster and loves to cuddle! I mean seriously...total love bug! Here is a video of him talking...He is so in love with our cat! TO FREAKING CUTE!

I swear I am not lazy...No really!

If you walked in my house you might think somedays that I don't do shit. Cut me some slack, I am three kids under the age of 4! Anywho...

My point is that there are things I just really put off doing even if I have the time, but not because I am lazy. More because its just not a rewarding job. I mean when I do the dishes it makes my kitchen more put together so I can cook and I LOVE to cook. When I do the laundry, it gives me and my family clean, good smelling things to put on.

But the bathrooms...Yeah, not rewarding.

I hate deep cleaning like that.. UGH. Now don't get me wrong, I am not a prissy girl by any means...but i don't the yucky jobs! I don't take out trash, clean litter boxes, shovel snow or do yard work. I am the "person" that is suppose to clean the damn bathrooms though and right now they are just awful!

That why I want this!!



Oh yeah baby! This thing says it will clean a dirty shower in so many days and keep it clean after that! For me that is worth its weight in gold!!!

So, anyone want to buy me one??

Are you freaking kidding me???

You did what with the leftover Subway sandwich I was eating that was on the counter? Are you serious? You threw the only thing that sounded good for lunch in the garbage??!

Have you any idea how bad of a husband this makes you right now? No it was not with the two things on the counter that would not fit in the garbage to be thrown out!! How could you think the OPENED wrapper with a sandwich in it that had a bite taken out of it was to go in the garbage?

Yes I am crying because you threw out my lunch! I wanted that sandwich and I have not slept throw the night in months...Damn it man..YOU OWE ME!!

Cree William-Joseph

Yep...it's a boy and he is DAMN cute...Weighin at 9lbs and 11oz..21 inches long...

And thats all you get right now guys...Cause breastfeeding a 10 pound child is hard work and I am tired!

We now resume our scheduled blogging break....HUGS.

Oh yeah baby...We are ready!

Today we made one last quick trip to BRU to get a new diaper pal and some little hats for the new baby...Apparently it didn't cross my mind til yesterday that its Janurary and I MAY need more than just the one BEAUTIFUL-PERFECT-SPECTACULAR hat that I got from Candace over at laughingdaises.com. Did I mention she has an awesome shop on Etsy named twiggy and all her stuff is AMAZING? I didn't...Well now you know!

Moving right along...The changing table is stocked and ready. Carseat, check. Bassinet, check. Every baby item has been washed, dried and put away. Now, I suppose I just need to have major surgery and bring home a baby. No big deal...

Did I mention I was nervous? I had my first baby dream last night and my god it was strange. Of all the things to dream about I dream that I can not get the new baby to nurse no matter what I do. Nursing is such a big deal to me. I think it is one of the most important things that you can give and do for your new baby...I just don't know what I would do if it didn't work out especially after sucessfully breastfeeding both of my girls.

Its kind of hard to imagine that this will be my last baby. I have known that I wanted to be a mother since I was very young...We are talking single digits here people. To be done with my favorite part of having kids is very sad to me. So I suppose I will try to really enjoy every single up and down moment of the next three months...Since any mother would know that the first 3 months are HARDEST. They blend together in such a thick fog...

Final doctors appt

The time has come. WOOT WOOT!!

This baby is comin into the world on Janurary 20th at 7:30am...I will be 38 weeks and 4 days. This baby is already a nice threatening weight of almost ten pounds and this poor mama is measuring 11 weeks ahead. Seriously...

I can't wait to be done being pregnant, but at the same time I am so very nervous about the csection after everything we went through with Rylee. I am trying to believe that after going through that once I have done my time and would not have to go through it again...Send me your prayers people..And you know I ain't no church goin girl!

So here is to surviving the next 6 days...God bless happy pills and pretty days!!

I need a girlfriend...

I could not have written this post any better myself...Seriously its just exactly how I feel....This is the type of friend I used to have, that I NEED a replacement for....Here it is written by Miss Britt...To see her wonderful ramblings you can click on her down in my blogroll...

I notice it most when my polish is chipped off my toes.

And when I’m sitting at home flipping through HGTV reruns.

And when it’s a Tuesday night and the kids are in bed, Jared’s asleep on the couch, and I’m too restless to get lost in a book or a blog.

That’s when I notice the big gaping hole that’s still there.

The hole that cannot be filled with husbands, or kids, or Avitables. Or work or blogging or writing. Or working out more or watching TV less or signing your kids up for more activities.

It’s the hole that, much as we try, cannot be filled by family or friends that are miles away, no matter how many emails you send or IM chats you share. You cannot stuff it with weekend getaways or annual parties or long distance phone calls.

I know, because I’ve tried.

And while I’ve made new memories and discovered new sources of joy, the original hole remains, calling to me.

Especially when my polish is chipped.

I miss having girlfriends. Not that I don’t have female friends now - the technical definition of a girlfriend I suppose. But it’s more than just another woman to laugh with that I’m missing.

I miss the girlfriend that drops by your house unannounced on a Tuesday night. Sometimes she stays and bullshits with you for hours, and sometimes she just stops to say hi on her way home and, no, don’t worry about it, you’re busy, I’ll call you later.

And she will call, too. Usually.

Or maybe she won’t. Because things come up and she was getting dinner started and you know how that goes. And you do. But that’s OK because you’ll talk to her tomorrow or the next day anyway.

I miss the girlfriend that drags all of her kids over to your house and throws them in the backyard before you have a chance to say hello. And her husband sits with your husband by the grill while the two of you invent cocktail recipes in the kitchen. And you don’t even care that it’s Sunday, because people still have to eat on a school night.

I miss the girlfriend who calls your husband’s cell phone because you didn’t pick up at home and you never answer your damn cell phone when it rings and she needs you. Now. Her dog threw up in the living room and she’s stuck at work and you know her husband has an irrational response to puke. And she knows it’s ridiculous but dear God the man has put a bowl on top of the vomit and will you please go take care of that so my carpet isn’t stained before I get home?

And you do. And you don’t feel inappropriate at all calling her husband a pussy while you spray his floors down with Resolve.

I miss the friendship that is easy, even when it’s work. The one that is an integral part of your day and has long since passed the awkward, insecure stage of calling only to set lunch dates and dinner parties.

The one you don’t put makeup on for.

The one that’s seen you without a bra and after a good hard cry.

I miss the girlfriend that answers her phone on Saturday morning and admits that she’s not doing much. And, sure, she can run and get a pedicure with you that morning, because she needs one too and she just has to be back by lunch because they’ve got a family thing that afternoon and she’s behind on laundry. And so you spend an hour or two together and then you go back to your lives and your responsibilities. And, really, it’s no big deal.

Until it is.

Until you don’t have it anymore. And then, some days, it’s the biggest fucking deal in the world.

Like when your polish is chipped.

So close..But still so far

As of yesterday this small human being inside my stomach is weighing in at 9lbs and 13oz. Yes, you did read that right. HOLY FREAKING SHIT!

Add to that I am only 37 weeks this Friday. They have moved my c-section up a week to the 20th of January. I am pretty suck they are afraid they will be pulling out an 11 lb baby that day. When we have the baby I will be 38 weeks and 4 days. Seems like a good time to me. I had Rylee at 37 weeks and Rainee at 39 weeks.

So now all I have to do is finish getting the last few things I need and wait. In the meantime, I promise to try to keep up my record of not killing anyone during this pregnancy for the remaining two weeks. I tell you it is getting harder by the day. I have NO PATIENCE and I am all around grumpy.

The heartburn is constant at this point and I can NOT BREATH at all when I bend over. My maternity shirts no longer cover my belly so no matter what I do I am so HANGIN out. Not attractive when you have had two kids already! My stomach is far from flattering.

And so I will TRY TRY TRY TRY to be calm and relaxed for the next 13 days...

God help us all!

I can only imagine what I look like at this point

So this morning was back to school. Just like for everyone else I suppose. I take Rainee in and I am helping her get her coat off and hang up her backpack...

Thats when it happens...The inevitable comment that I get at least once a day. OMG, you have not had that baby yet? I thought for sure. You have grown so much I can't believe you can still walk! This is when I say...This is nothing..I still have four weeks left...

Then I get the "look"...The OMG she is going to blow up if they leave that baby in there for another 4 weeks (Mouth wide open and gapping)...Are you sure there is only one in there?

YES I AM SURE THERE IS ONLY ONE IN THERE!!!!

Can't people at least pretend to have some sort of cuth...

Top 10 things I just can't stand

The following list was not created in any specific order..Just as they came to me..Enjoy!

10. MONEY!!!
9. The gas tank in my car - I am pretty sure it is wrong and it freaking has a mind of its own!
8. Dishes - I know nobody that is sane really likes to do the dishes, but I HATE them!
7. Getting up to Pee every hour in the middle of the night from being pregnant - Seriously..Must I go more at night than I do during the freaking day!
6. STUPID people! This one truly pisses me off...Is it so hard to use common sense in life?
5. Whining - Be it children or adults, I just can't stand hearing it!
4. Lazy parenting - I will honestly never understand parents that have children and then are just to lazy to take care of them to the best of their ability.
3. Fighting - I hate fighting with people. Mostly my husband. I don't like the way it makes me feel or the things that end up getting said whether they are true or just said in anger.
2. Bad friendships - I do everything I can to be the best friend to someone that I can. I have come to find that most people in life do not live their lives in this same fashion. Its hard to take in that being someones friend doesn't mean as much to them as it does to you.
1. Feeling sad and crappy - I can honestly say this feeling this way is not the norm for me. I do what I can to be a happy and all around peaceful person, but lately particularly I just can't seem to get there very often. I am sure it has a lot to do with being about a million weeks pregnant, but still I don't like it.

What ten things can't you stand??

If this is how 2009 is going to be...I don't want to play!

The countdown begins...we are rounding up the kids...

When all the sudden I hear nothing but the sound of Rylee completely in pain. I means PAIN! She is not even to the full blow cry stage, she would have to be able to take air in for that. I pick her up only to find that two of the fingers on her left hand are scrapped and swelling FAST! The bruises are coming and the child WILL NOT move her fingers at all.

6..5..4..3..2..1...2009

And I was in the bathroom with both of my crying kids and my husband. Rainee received a nice smack to the head trying to get to her sister to see if she was okay. We go back and forth, do we take her to the ER for an xray or see how she is doing tomorrow. My mommyness tells me I need to take her in. I have to know if she is okay.

To Jordan Valley Hospital we go..Oh I know what you are thinking..First class hospital only for your kids Rachel...No really, it was just a possible broken finger and the closest hospital at 12:45 in the morning. They were very nice and fast. They let us play with the plastic gloves and the tv! Told me how cute my kids ARE and so understanding.

3:20 in the morning we arrive home...Kids to bed and just in bed ourselves. 6 hours later we wake up to...Nope not the kids, but the phone ringing. The police have called my husbands Step-dad trying to get a hold of him (WTF?)because someone has broken into his shop. ARE YOU F$%KING SERIOUS?

Oh yes I am.

If this is any indication as to what we have to look forward to for this year...I am not getting out of bed for the next 364 days!