To the woman who should have loved me

To say I am disappointed in who you are would only be the tip of the iceburg.

To say that I think your selfish and downright mean would be turning it all in to something small.

This is not a small thing.

Growing up I always knew our family was different. I never thought it was wrong, but I knew it was not normal. My best friend had some interesting family dynamics, but I always, always felt loved when I was there. It never felt like love in our house. It felt like tension and evil. So thick that you could slice the air. Someone was always fighting or yelling. Someone was always doing something you didn't like. Its was always about you.

You would go from being so calm to blowing straight fire from your pores. It was draining just to be in our home. Nobody should have to feel like that. Willing and wanting to be anywhere, anywhere but their home. Feeling like you had to earn your attention and love. Love that I didnt know as a child, was never even there to begin with. We were property, slaves or even leverage. Never just your children.

Now I am a mother. I am who you should have been, but never were. I love my children unconditionally. I love them wholeheartily with everything I have. They are my life, they are all I will ever need or want. They will never be my excuse for being unhappy with myself or my reason to blame things on. No matter what they do in life I will love them and be proud of who they are inside and out. I may not agree with who they are, but that will never make me love them any less or treat them unkind.

I will show them what beauty is and how to respect themselves. How to hold their heads high and know that beauty is truly shown from the inside out. I will never make them believe they are not good enough or a burden on me. I will never show them that its okay to hurt others to get what I want. I will be everything you never were.

I will never be you.

The poopy diaries

Today marked the 4th MAJOR blowout Bug has had in under 2 weeks. Now when I say major I mean *HOLYFUCKINGSHIT* MAJOR! Running down the legs, out the sides of the diaper and UP the shirt! Dripping onto the floor and OH GOD the smell!

As I sat at my kitchen table this morning, nice warm coffee cup in hand...I heard Lil R say, "Mommy, Bug pooped. ALOT." I look over under the jumperoo and I don't see anything on the carpet. Why do I look there you ask? Cause 2 of the previous 3 incidents have taken place in the jumperoo and the puddle on the floor was unmistakable. Especially while Bug continued to jump in it getting the *POO* squished up in his toes.

*OHGODHELPME* *SHIVER*

Upon closer examination I found there were 2 drops on the floor. So I picked him up to run in and change him. You DO NOT want to know/see what I found, but by god I am a sharer and I must.



Oh yes peoples...That is SOMUCHPOO. *DOUBLESHIVER*

After tackeling the worst part of the mess, all while wrestling a little boy who was hell bent on holding on to the poopy legs and wiping it on the wall! Where was I? Oh yes, the aftermath...Oh dear the wreckage is BAD. You should know I RIPPED the onesie off and it went straight to the trash.



Yes that is ALL POOP COVERED!

*SHUDDER*SHUDDER*SHUDDER*

Oh the smell!! Gagging!!

After bathing the bug and making his un-pooped I had to survey the damage to the jumperoo. It was hiding on the underneath... Behold.



To make a long story shorter..I will leave you with some facts. 2 weeks, 4 MAJOR blowouts. Times Jumperoo has had to be taken apart and washed? 3 times. Times carseat has had to be taken apart and washed? 1 time. Do you think he ever thought to just poop a little every little while like he was just two weeks ago? Nope, he likes to hold out for up to 4 days and just SHIT EVERYWHERE now.

Thankfully no little Bugs were harmed during these events and he had no problems going to sleep after the whole ordeal. He was exausted, apparently poop takes a lot of ya. Litterally.