To say I am disappointed in who you are would only be the tip of the iceburg.
To say that I think your selfish and downright mean would be turning it all in to something small.
This is not a small thing.
Growing up I always knew our family was different. I never thought it was wrong, but I knew it was not normal. My best friend had some interesting family dynamics, but I always, always felt loved when I was there. It never felt like love in our house. It felt like tension and evil. So thick that you could slice the air. Someone was always fighting or yelling. Someone was always doing something you didn't like. Its was always about you.
You would go from being so calm to blowing straight fire from your pores. It was draining just to be in our home. Nobody should have to feel like that. Willing and wanting to be anywhere, anywhere but their home. Feeling like you had to earn your attention and love. Love that I didnt know as a child, was never even there to begin with. We were property, slaves or even leverage. Never just your children.
Now I am a mother. I am who you should have been, but never were. I love my children unconditionally. I love them wholeheartily with everything I have. They are my life, they are all I will ever need or want. They will never be my excuse for being unhappy with myself or my reason to blame things on. No matter what they do in life I will love them and be proud of who they are inside and out. I may not agree with who they are, but that will never make me love them any less or treat them unkind.
I will show them what beauty is and how to respect themselves. How to hold their heads high and know that beauty is truly shown from the inside out. I will never make them believe they are not good enough or a burden on me. I will never show them that its okay to hurt others to get what I want. I will be everything you never were.
I will never be you.
4 comments:
And that's the greatest blessing you can give your children. Do better by them than was done to you. You'll know you did the best you could and you'll have no regrets. I truly hope one day she will realize the pain and misery she has put you all through. It wouldn't ever make anything right but it might give you a little peace with it all. XOXO
oh, honey.... I have always looked up to you and admired your strength, courage, and conviction. I just want you to know that I love you.
The last statment made me so proud of you. It is so important to grow from the mistakes of other rather then to have to make them ourselves. You are a great mom. Know that!
I love you babe. You are such a strong person. I admire you for that and you are right..you deserved better than that. You are and always will be a beautiful person.
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