In case you didn't already know, I am a HUGE coffee drinker. I drink it in the morning, afternoon and at night when it sounds good. I love the soothing feeling of coffee, much like tea with more flavor.
One of my favorite things about drinking coffee has become enjoying it with friends. Sitting down with a nice big cup of coffee and a couple girlfriends is so soothing to your soul. Much like other things, it can bring people together so easily.
I could easily be considered an addict. I mean, I do feel as though most times I "NEED" it. However, for me its more of a desire or want. I really, really like coffee. I love the peace my big red coffee cup brings me just by filling it up.
If you take a deep look into my life you can see the connections I have with people that share a deep love for coffee with me. Just hearing about one of my girlfriends enjoying a cup makes me smile.
Although I rarely sit down to the computer without a cup, I am capable of living without it. I choose not to.
Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts
Showing posts with label choices. Show all posts
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
To the woman who should have loved me
To say I am disappointed in who you are would only be the tip of the iceburg.
To say that I think your selfish and downright mean would be turning it all in to something small.
This is not a small thing.
Growing up I always knew our family was different. I never thought it was wrong, but I knew it was not normal. My best friend had some interesting family dynamics, but I always, always felt loved when I was there. It never felt like love in our house. It felt like tension and evil. So thick that you could slice the air. Someone was always fighting or yelling. Someone was always doing something you didn't like. Its was always about you.
You would go from being so calm to blowing straight fire from your pores. It was draining just to be in our home. Nobody should have to feel like that. Willing and wanting to be anywhere, anywhere but their home. Feeling like you had to earn your attention and love. Love that I didnt know as a child, was never even there to begin with. We were property, slaves or even leverage. Never just your children.
Now I am a mother. I am who you should have been, but never were. I love my children unconditionally. I love them wholeheartily with everything I have. They are my life, they are all I will ever need or want. They will never be my excuse for being unhappy with myself or my reason to blame things on. No matter what they do in life I will love them and be proud of who they are inside and out. I may not agree with who they are, but that will never make me love them any less or treat them unkind.
I will show them what beauty is and how to respect themselves. How to hold their heads high and know that beauty is truly shown from the inside out. I will never make them believe they are not good enough or a burden on me. I will never show them that its okay to hurt others to get what I want. I will be everything you never were.
I will never be you.
To say that I think your selfish and downright mean would be turning it all in to something small.
This is not a small thing.
Growing up I always knew our family was different. I never thought it was wrong, but I knew it was not normal. My best friend had some interesting family dynamics, but I always, always felt loved when I was there. It never felt like love in our house. It felt like tension and evil. So thick that you could slice the air. Someone was always fighting or yelling. Someone was always doing something you didn't like. Its was always about you.
You would go from being so calm to blowing straight fire from your pores. It was draining just to be in our home. Nobody should have to feel like that. Willing and wanting to be anywhere, anywhere but their home. Feeling like you had to earn your attention and love. Love that I didnt know as a child, was never even there to begin with. We were property, slaves or even leverage. Never just your children.
Now I am a mother. I am who you should have been, but never were. I love my children unconditionally. I love them wholeheartily with everything I have. They are my life, they are all I will ever need or want. They will never be my excuse for being unhappy with myself or my reason to blame things on. No matter what they do in life I will love them and be proud of who they are inside and out. I may not agree with who they are, but that will never make me love them any less or treat them unkind.
I will show them what beauty is and how to respect themselves. How to hold their heads high and know that beauty is truly shown from the inside out. I will never make them believe they are not good enough or a burden on me. I will never show them that its okay to hurt others to get what I want. I will be everything you never were.
I will never be you.
Friday, May 1, 2009
What I can control
After my post about what I can not control and Lauras beautiful words about how I should try looking at the world, I have decided to take a look at what I *can* control.
I can control my coffee intake!
I can control my home!
I can control how happy my family is!
I can control how I look at it all, maybe not how I feel..But how I CHOOSE to see it.
And I choose to be happy and healthy. I choose to love the people around me and enjoy the friendships I have in this life. Cause damn it people, I am one hell of a lucky girl!
I can control my coffee intake!
I can control my home!
I can control how happy my family is!
I can control how I look at it all, maybe not how I feel..But how I CHOOSE to see it.
And I choose to be happy and healthy. I choose to love the people around me and enjoy the friendships I have in this life. Cause damn it people, I am one hell of a lucky girl!
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