The trip

They all said that I should go and get away. That I should leave my problems at the door and go be worry free. Don't think about the money issues and the stress your life holds right now. Just relax and enjoy.

****I TRIED****

I swear to god I tried. I went with a plan to have a wonderful time and to spend only a small set amount of money. The money that he worked so hard to get for our trip to California. The money that dwindled to damn near nothing by the beginning of our third day of a four day trip. We didn't blow money and we didn't go on a shopping spree. We didn't even do anything that extravagant or special.

What we DID DO was go to California where everything is expensive as hell. Everyone around us was there to spend money. Nobody was trying to save money like us. The front desk of our hotel kept referring to everything that was under $100 as being not that expensive. *Drops jaw*

We did our best to conserve and all the while I did nothing, but run the numbers and constantly think about what that money could do back home. I couldn't stop stressing about one thing or another. I couldn't stop checking my account online and waiting for my phone to ring in my hand. Waiting for a call about a job that I wanted that someone else was given.

***DAMN IT I WANTED THAT JOB***

Long story short...I probably should have just sold my airline tickets, hotel stay and park tickets to someone that could have gone and had the time of their life. While I have several good memories from my first trip with my love, I surely spent way to much of my time moping and stressing about things I can do nothing about from California.

Its a good thing he loves me...because I am pretty sure I would have told him to get the fuck over it a few times in the last four days. All he did was put his arms around me, kiss me and tell me that it was going to be okay. Yep, that's love.

The afterlife

Everyone wants to know what happened. Everyone wants the details of how the job I loved just disappeared.

Well guess what peeps, it just did.

Honestly, I just don't want to talk about it. Its like losing a loved one or an animal, it hurts to talk about it. For the first 3 days after I cried at the thought of not going back. I cried because for the first time in my 30 years I couldn't go back to a place that I love.

I know they say one door closes so another one can open, but does that door really have to smack you in the face when it closes? Its amazing to me how quickly someone can disregard you after you have basically given them your soul. And so, I am left with only what I have learned from this situation....

*Don't give more than you get in life
*Don't make someone or something important to you when you are not important to them
*COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
*A job is just that, a job.
*You find out who your friends are, and quick
*Find the good in everything around you
*Be grateful and loving always

With that said....I bid you farewell...For now

Whew...Why don't I feel better?