Everyone wants to know what happened. Everyone wants the details of how the job I loved just disappeared.
Well guess what peeps, it just did.
Honestly, I just don't want to talk about it. Its like losing a loved one or an animal, it hurts to talk about it. For the first 3 days after I cried at the thought of not going back. I cried because for the first time in my 30 years I couldn't go back to a place that I love.
I know they say one door closes so another one can open, but does that door really have to smack you in the face when it closes? Its amazing to me how quickly someone can disregard you after you have basically given them your soul. And so, I am left with only what I have learned from this situation....
*Don't give more than you get in life
*Don't make someone or something important to you when you are not important to them
*COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS
*A job is just that, a job.
*You find out who your friends are, and quick
*Find the good in everything around you
*Be grateful and loving always
With that said....I bid you farewell...For now
Whew...Why don't I feel better?
Showing posts with label My crazy life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My crazy life. Show all posts
Monday, October 3, 2011
Monday, March 28, 2011
Lost and found
It feels like a switch was flipped, like something changed almost overnight.
I feel stronger, more confident and more "me".
It took a "talk" from two different men in my life that mean a lot from me. One is my very good friend and one owns my heart. What was said, I am sure you are wondering. "Mainly, who the hell are you and what did you do with Rachel? I want her back". Where's the girl who loved herself and didn't give a shit what anyone else thought as long as she knew she believed in what she was doing and where she was going? The woman who would stand her ground and speak her mind. The woman who got mad and you knew it.
Honestly, I don't know how I got away from her. All I know at this moment is that I am way past done keeping her quiet. I was shaken, I was bruised and I was scared. And you know what, I am straight done with it.
I am a good mother and an incredible friend. I fight for those I love and stand up for what I believe. I may feel as though I stand alone more times than not, but I am strong enough to stand and that is all that matters. I have been holding so much in for fear of judgement and people not liking who I am.
Well you know what, if you don't like my life or my choices then you can just kiss my ass. This is who I am and you know what, that's okay with me.
Sincerely,
Big,bad Rachel
I feel stronger, more confident and more "me".
It took a "talk" from two different men in my life that mean a lot from me. One is my very good friend and one owns my heart. What was said, I am sure you are wondering. "Mainly, who the hell are you and what did you do with Rachel? I want her back". Where's the girl who loved herself and didn't give a shit what anyone else thought as long as she knew she believed in what she was doing and where she was going? The woman who would stand her ground and speak her mind. The woman who got mad and you knew it.
Honestly, I don't know how I got away from her. All I know at this moment is that I am way past done keeping her quiet. I was shaken, I was bruised and I was scared. And you know what, I am straight done with it.
I am a good mother and an incredible friend. I fight for those I love and stand up for what I believe. I may feel as though I stand alone more times than not, but I am strong enough to stand and that is all that matters. I have been holding so much in for fear of judgement and people not liking who I am.
Well you know what, if you don't like my life or my choices then you can just kiss my ass. This is who I am and you know what, that's okay with me.
Sincerely,
Big,bad Rachel
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
Classified ad reads "advice needed"
I feel like my mommy radar is broken. I think I am missing something that I should know how to do already. I feel like I am falling slightly short on the "what to do" front.
With that being said....I do not know what to do about the constant whining going on in this house. My girls are to the point where they are whining when they talk. They are crying in hopes for getting their way and full on throwing fits constantly.
Can someone tell me what I am doing wrong here? I try to give them a very structured day, offering tons of things to do and often places to go. They get treats and cuddles, everything I have to give them. Still they are not happy.
Now don't get me wrong, they do not get everything they want. There are plenty of "NOs" and tons of compromises. To be completely honest, I am exausted. I feel pretty defeated on the mommy front unless I am physically providing my kids with something to do.
My oldest only wants to watch tv. I am not okay with that. TV should be limited in my opinion. GO PLAY! But she doesn't want to. She is only 5, what will I do when she is older? My youngest daughter is by far the worst with the fit throwing. Screaming and hitting if you don't do as she wants immediately. Needless to say, she throws fits constantly since I do not waiver.
Its summer, I want my children to have fun and enjoy life. I don't know what to do to make them happy.
Advice needed.
With that being said....I do not know what to do about the constant whining going on in this house. My girls are to the point where they are whining when they talk. They are crying in hopes for getting their way and full on throwing fits constantly.
Can someone tell me what I am doing wrong here? I try to give them a very structured day, offering tons of things to do and often places to go. They get treats and cuddles, everything I have to give them. Still they are not happy.
Now don't get me wrong, they do not get everything they want. There are plenty of "NOs" and tons of compromises. To be completely honest, I am exausted. I feel pretty defeated on the mommy front unless I am physically providing my kids with something to do.
My oldest only wants to watch tv. I am not okay with that. TV should be limited in my opinion. GO PLAY! But she doesn't want to. She is only 5, what will I do when she is older? My youngest daughter is by far the worst with the fit throwing. Screaming and hitting if you don't do as she wants immediately. Needless to say, she throws fits constantly since I do not waiver.
Its summer, I want my children to have fun and enjoy life. I don't know what to do to make them happy.
Advice needed.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Defeated
I am feeling so damn defeated lately. I feel like my head is just below the water and I can only bring it above water long enough to take a breath of air.
I need strong shoulders and a caring passionate person to hold me up. I can accept my flaws and I know my faults. Why does everyone else try so hard to not own who they are and embrace it? Why not strive to be better and stronger? More loving and more passionate?
I tell you now if you don't have something supportive to say to me, don't bother saying a damn thing to me. I don't need anymore negative in my life. I quite literally can't take another blow. Life is hard enough without all the extra stress put upon us by others.
I need your support. I need your love and I want your respect.
I need strong shoulders and a caring passionate person to hold me up. I can accept my flaws and I know my faults. Why does everyone else try so hard to not own who they are and embrace it? Why not strive to be better and stronger? More loving and more passionate?
I tell you now if you don't have something supportive to say to me, don't bother saying a damn thing to me. I don't need anymore negative in my life. I quite literally can't take another blow. Life is hard enough without all the extra stress put upon us by others.
I need your support. I need your love and I want your respect.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Inside
Some days there seems to be so much to say, other days I can't think of a single thing. Most days my brain is like a tornado. Its spins and spins and the direction changes on a whim. To say I am scatterbrained would be a complete lack of description.
As someone very close to me once said "If she is eating an orange and an apple rolls by, she will put down the orange and pickup the apple. Forgetting all about the orange until she comes back to it." Its like I constantly see shinny things or get big ideas that pop into my head and I can't remember where I am going or what I am doing.
I say this because I can honestly only take so much before I start dropping the orange so to speak. Me desire to help and nurture takes over before I even realize what I am doing. I make promises, overbook myself and get my priorities mixed up. I don't do this because I don't care. I do it because I am the crazy lady.
And I ain't kiddin on the CAH-RAY-ZEE part.
Now I may make light of my problem, but I do take it very seriously and I know myself inside and out. I can tell when I am falling, when I am soaring and when I am failing. The problem is that I can't tell til it has already begun. I can't tell I am letting people down and dropping the ball until I have already done it. I can't tell I am swinging into the sadness and self consciousness until I am crying. I know how to pick myself up, dust myself off and turn the tide.
If you know me well then you understand me. You accept me for all my flaws and you love me for exactly what and who I am. Because I am not willing to be anything but me. A strong woman who knows who she is and what she wants.
So enjoy the show.
As someone very close to me once said "If she is eating an orange and an apple rolls by, she will put down the orange and pickup the apple. Forgetting all about the orange until she comes back to it." Its like I constantly see shinny things or get big ideas that pop into my head and I can't remember where I am going or what I am doing.
I say this because I can honestly only take so much before I start dropping the orange so to speak. Me desire to help and nurture takes over before I even realize what I am doing. I make promises, overbook myself and get my priorities mixed up. I don't do this because I don't care. I do it because I am the crazy lady.
And I ain't kiddin on the CAH-RAY-ZEE part.
Now I may make light of my problem, but I do take it very seriously and I know myself inside and out. I can tell when I am falling, when I am soaring and when I am failing. The problem is that I can't tell til it has already begun. I can't tell I am letting people down and dropping the ball until I have already done it. I can't tell I am swinging into the sadness and self consciousness until I am crying. I know how to pick myself up, dust myself off and turn the tide.
If you know me well then you understand me. You accept me for all my flaws and you love me for exactly what and who I am. Because I am not willing to be anything but me. A strong woman who knows who she is and what she wants.
So enjoy the show.
Friday, February 19, 2010
A day in the life with a crazy lady
Its Friday and for the first time this week I don't have anything I "have" to do.
With that said, I love being busy. I love having so much to do that the day flies by and leaves my head spinning. I am pretty sure this comes from being so "stationed" in my childhood.
Don't get me wrong, we did things..But it was always the things she HAD to do. Paying bills and running into the store. Not that she ever did the running, thats what her children were for. It was our *job* to take care of her and make her life easier. Rarely was there a time we did something child friendly or just has a good time. It was more like we had to be there in everything to keep her company, keep her from being alone.
I think that because of the way I was raised I have the need to "go and see" all the time. To just think about it and do it. No need to plan it or find a reason to do it. I was so sheltered and kept from the world when I was young. I think its way more harmful to a child than she ever thought it would be. There was always a reason that I couldn't go or see.
You see, I get way more enjoyment out of running everyday errands than I will ever get out of watching a favorite tv show or just relaxing on the couch. I don't care for either of those things, I find them to just be wasting my life and time. Of course this drives my husband crazy, he is a sitter by nature.
I want my children to have the whole world at their fingertips. To "go and see". I want them to meet people and enjoy just playing outside and get excited to do those things they are interested in.
I want them to be *Children*
That seems like such a simple thing compared to how I grew up. But I don't think I would change my childhood in that department much, because if I did I am not sure I would be so *GO TEAM* on the "be a kid" front. And you know what? I think that is just the way it should be.
With that said, I love being busy. I love having so much to do that the day flies by and leaves my head spinning. I am pretty sure this comes from being so "stationed" in my childhood.
Don't get me wrong, we did things..But it was always the things she HAD to do. Paying bills and running into the store. Not that she ever did the running, thats what her children were for. It was our *job* to take care of her and make her life easier. Rarely was there a time we did something child friendly or just has a good time. It was more like we had to be there in everything to keep her company, keep her from being alone.
I think that because of the way I was raised I have the need to "go and see" all the time. To just think about it and do it. No need to plan it or find a reason to do it. I was so sheltered and kept from the world when I was young. I think its way more harmful to a child than she ever thought it would be. There was always a reason that I couldn't go or see.
You see, I get way more enjoyment out of running everyday errands than I will ever get out of watching a favorite tv show or just relaxing on the couch. I don't care for either of those things, I find them to just be wasting my life and time. Of course this drives my husband crazy, he is a sitter by nature.
I want my children to have the whole world at their fingertips. To "go and see". I want them to meet people and enjoy just playing outside and get excited to do those things they are interested in.
I want them to be *Children*
That seems like such a simple thing compared to how I grew up. But I don't think I would change my childhood in that department much, because if I did I am not sure I would be so *GO TEAM* on the "be a kid" front. And you know what? I think that is just the way it should be.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Day 1
Its been 9 days since my life changed.
Its been such an eye opening experience for me. So many things that I just let be because I thought I could do nothing about them. Things I labeled as being "Just the way it is". Oh how wrong I was. Oh how much I didn't know, but I was not surprised. I knew better and I am so disappointed in myself for just standing by and doing nothing.
I know this process we are going through is nessecary. I know its whats fair. I don't FEEL like its right though. To question what you see and what you know is so hard for me. So I will be supportive. I will be strong and I will be right where I should be.
I started with 4. 3 left, and 3 came in. The end result is the same, but the equation is different. This will take some getting used to for everyone.
I am here for you honey. I will ALWAYS be here.
Its been such an eye opening experience for me. So many things that I just let be because I thought I could do nothing about them. Things I labeled as being "Just the way it is". Oh how wrong I was. Oh how much I didn't know, but I was not surprised. I knew better and I am so disappointed in myself for just standing by and doing nothing.
I know this process we are going through is nessecary. I know its whats fair. I don't FEEL like its right though. To question what you see and what you know is so hard for me. So I will be supportive. I will be strong and I will be right where I should be.
I started with 4. 3 left, and 3 came in. The end result is the same, but the equation is different. This will take some getting used to for everyone.
I am here for you honey. I will ALWAYS be here.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Its a two Prozac kind of day round these parts
It doesn't help that I woke up on the anxious side of the bed this morning.
Add to that, Lil R is on one big time. Getting in the baby things, and by in I mean IN! Look over and homegirl is laying in the bouncer. WTF? Bug is almost 7 months old. I thought this phase was over. He volume control is stuck at 7 out of 10 and she can NOT calm down. Its just to much for me some day. Top it off with how cute she can be and I have no idea what to do with her.
Big R is whiny. OH SO WHINY! Come on...Its only 11 in the morning and I have only had one cup of coffee. You so don't NEED to whine about everything. (AKA "MOM!! I can't hear it, Lil R is being loud, make her stop!" (whine whine whine) I have been forced to MAKE them play with their toys in their room. Thats right, I am the horribly mean mom that is forcing her children to play with the hundreds of dollars worth of toys in their room. *BADMOMMY*
Did I mention that the family dog decided to bring a dead rodent of some sorts into the house? I didn't...My apologizes.
*DEADANIMALINCRAZYLADIESHOUSE* *OMG*
Uncontrolable shivering and screaming commenced and I was just plain usless. Seriously, I tried to get it with the tongs about 4 differnt times. I couldn't even get close enough to it to take a decent freaking picture for the hubs. Thankfully my wonderful MEX-ICAN neighbors (no sarcasium here at all! I love them! They can do anything I swear!)were next door building a deck for my other neighbor.
When this crazy lady opened the back door shivering and asking for help I think they may have thought for a minute or two that there was actually an unwanted person in the house instead of the TINY little mouse looking thing they found. Behold the THING!
I did say it was a two Prozac day right? Yeah...Off to take ANOTHER pill.
Add to that, Lil R is on one big time. Getting in the baby things, and by in I mean IN! Look over and homegirl is laying in the bouncer. WTF? Bug is almost 7 months old. I thought this phase was over. He volume control is stuck at 7 out of 10 and she can NOT calm down. Its just to much for me some day. Top it off with how cute she can be and I have no idea what to do with her.
Big R is whiny. OH SO WHINY! Come on...Its only 11 in the morning and I have only had one cup of coffee. You so don't NEED to whine about everything. (AKA "MOM!! I can't hear it, Lil R is being loud, make her stop!" (whine whine whine) I have been forced to MAKE them play with their toys in their room. Thats right, I am the horribly mean mom that is forcing her children to play with the hundreds of dollars worth of toys in their room. *BADMOMMY*
Did I mention that the family dog decided to bring a dead rodent of some sorts into the house? I didn't...My apologizes.
*DEADANIMALINCRAZYLADIESHOUSE* *OMG*
Uncontrolable shivering and screaming commenced and I was just plain usless. Seriously, I tried to get it with the tongs about 4 differnt times. I couldn't even get close enough to it to take a decent freaking picture for the hubs. Thankfully my wonderful MEX-ICAN neighbors (no sarcasium here at all! I love them! They can do anything I swear!)were next door building a deck for my other neighbor.
When this crazy lady opened the back door shivering and asking for help I think they may have thought for a minute or two that there was actually an unwanted person in the house instead of the TINY little mouse looking thing they found. Behold the THING!
I did say it was a two Prozac day right? Yeah...Off to take ANOTHER pill.
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