Inside

Some days there seems to be so much to say, other days I can't think of a single thing. Most days my brain is like a tornado. Its spins and spins and the direction changes on a whim. To say I am scatterbrained would be a complete lack of description.

As someone very close to me once said "If she is eating an orange and an apple rolls by, she will put down the orange and pickup the apple. Forgetting all about the orange until she comes back to it." Its like I constantly see shinny things or get big ideas that pop into my head and I can't remember where I am going or what I am doing.

I say this because I can honestly only take so much before I start dropping the orange so to speak. Me desire to help and nurture takes over before I even realize what I am doing. I make promises, overbook myself and get my priorities mixed up. I don't do this because I don't care. I do it because I am the crazy lady.

And I ain't kiddin on the CAH-RAY-ZEE part.

Now I may make light of my problem, but I do take it very seriously and I know myself inside and out. I can tell when I am falling, when I am soaring and when I am failing. The problem is that I can't tell til it has already begun. I can't tell I am letting people down and dropping the ball until I have already done it. I can't tell I am swinging into the sadness and self consciousness until I am crying. I know how to pick myself up, dust myself off and turn the tide.

If you know me well then you understand me. You accept me for all my flaws and you love me for exactly what and who I am. Because I am not willing to be anything but me. A strong woman who knows who she is and what she wants.

So enjoy the show.

Is this thing on?

What? You want to know where the hell I have been for the last three months? OY VAY!

I can tell you that I have rarely sat still in the last year. With three kids, two arms and a hell of a busy schedule I can't believe Christmas is a week from today and that my little boy will be 1 in a little over a month. Where did the year ago? How on earth is my last baby almost 1??

To say I am freaking out on that one would be a complete and total lie. I am so torn between feeling excited about how life is going to change and being so very sad that I will never nurse another brand new baby. Sappy much? *insert tissue here*

Being a mother is one of the most amazing things I will ever do in my life. Its a non stop, stressful, and completely enjoyable job to have. I love seeing my children grow and enjoy things. Watching their minds work and explore is absolutely amazing.

With Christmas just around the corner, I am reminded of the special people in my life that bring me such joy and how lucky I am to be me. I have an amazing husband, I loving and supportive best friend and the *family* I choose to have.

Its eye opening to realize that just because someone is realated to you does not make them good for you, and that just because someone has always been there, doesn't mean they will be there forever. So for now, I am living in the moment. The crazy moment that is my incredibly blessed life and I know I am right where I should be.