You know that feeling you get when you know better? When you know that this place you stand is not the right place? I hate that feeling.
The feeling gives you so much uncertainity and such anxiety. Makes you doubt your choices and keeps your from following your gut. Why oh why do my emotions have to control me so much. I feel so powerless to them. Like I am simply just the host of this body and mind, but I have no control over what they do.
I want more. I want happiness. You know the happiness you feel for your life when you take a step back and look at it. I am still in such a place of Limbo that I feel like my feel are not planted on the ground. Days are good and bad as with any life. I'm simply looking for more good days than bad.
I know it will come in time, but did I mention that I am not a patient girl?
Showing posts with label Me. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Me. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Personality much?
I took a personality test today that a good friend at work gave me. It was interesting how easy it was to answer the questions. I wanted an honest judgement from the test. I answered 70 questions with the first thing that came to my mind. Here's what the test came up with.
Your personality type is ENFP
Extrovert, Intuition, Feeling, Perceiving
Where do you prefer to focus your attention? get your energy?
Extrovert
People who prefer extraversion like to focus on the outer world of people and activity. They direct their energy and attention outward and receive energy from interacting with people and from taking action.
How do you prefer to take in information?
Intuition
People who prefer intuition like to take in information by seeing the big picture, focusing on the relationships and connections between facts. They want to grasp patterns and are especially attuned to seeing new possibilities.
How do you make decisions?
Feeling
People who prefer to use feeling in decision making like to consider what is important to them and to others involved. They mentally place themselves into the situation to identify with everyone so they can make decisions based on their values about honoring people. They are energized by appreciating and supporting others. And look for qualities to praise. Their goal is to create harmony and treat each person as a unique individual.
How do you deal with the outer world?
Perceiving
People who prefer to use their perceiving process in the outer world like to live in a flexible, spontaneous way, seeing to experience and understand life, rather than control it. Detailed plans and final decisions feel confining to them; they prefer to stay open to new information and last-minute options. They are energized by their resourcefulness in adapting to the demands of the moment.
My friends response to my test was this.....
There is more to it, but that is the basic summary of your type. (and I must say it describes you to a T) :-p
Well Andrew...I think so too.
Your personality type is ENFP
Extrovert, Intuition, Feeling, Perceiving
Where do you prefer to focus your attention? get your energy?
Extrovert
People who prefer extraversion like to focus on the outer world of people and activity. They direct their energy and attention outward and receive energy from interacting with people and from taking action.
How do you prefer to take in information?
Intuition
People who prefer intuition like to take in information by seeing the big picture, focusing on the relationships and connections between facts. They want to grasp patterns and are especially attuned to seeing new possibilities.
How do you make decisions?
Feeling
People who prefer to use feeling in decision making like to consider what is important to them and to others involved. They mentally place themselves into the situation to identify with everyone so they can make decisions based on their values about honoring people. They are energized by appreciating and supporting others. And look for qualities to praise. Their goal is to create harmony and treat each person as a unique individual.
How do you deal with the outer world?
Perceiving
People who prefer to use their perceiving process in the outer world like to live in a flexible, spontaneous way, seeing to experience and understand life, rather than control it. Detailed plans and final decisions feel confining to them; they prefer to stay open to new information and last-minute options. They are energized by their resourcefulness in adapting to the demands of the moment.
My friends response to my test was this.....
There is more to it, but that is the basic summary of your type. (and I must say it describes you to a T) :-p
Well Andrew...I think so too.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Dear Anonymous
Well hello there my dearest coward.
I see you have finally opted to saying something to my online face. I could not be any more proud of the ability you have apparently gathered to speak up for yourself. You are such a big girl waith your big bad words trying to tell me how bad of a person I am, all the while making yourself look like an incredible ass.
Maybe you didn't get a chance to read my entire post. Did you happen to see the part where I told you that you could kiss my ass? Maybe you didn't see the part where I pointed out that I will no longer stand for people judging my life? The part where I said that I have been punished long enough and will no longer stand for negative people around me?
Well incase you missed it, and just stopped by to slay your verbal vomit about me, let me make a few things clear. I don't lie. You may not like my opinion and you may not care to hear what I have say, but that is where the you can kiss my ass part comes in. I speak from what I have seen or heard. Also, I do not ever set out to hurt or harm anyone. I make mistakes, and from your spelling I see that you do as well.
With that said, I'll take this time to let you know that you can remove yourself from my life because I don't wish to have pieces of shit in it. And you my "friend" are a complete Piece Of Shit. This is my space, don't bring your presence here just to try and bring me down. You will not get that from me, you will only give me more strength.
Sincerely,
The honest person, who makes mistakes.
I see you have finally opted to saying something to my online face. I could not be any more proud of the ability you have apparently gathered to speak up for yourself. You are such a big girl waith your big bad words trying to tell me how bad of a person I am, all the while making yourself look like an incredible ass.
Maybe you didn't get a chance to read my entire post. Did you happen to see the part where I told you that you could kiss my ass? Maybe you didn't see the part where I pointed out that I will no longer stand for people judging my life? The part where I said that I have been punished long enough and will no longer stand for negative people around me?
Well incase you missed it, and just stopped by to slay your verbal vomit about me, let me make a few things clear. I don't lie. You may not like my opinion and you may not care to hear what I have say, but that is where the you can kiss my ass part comes in. I speak from what I have seen or heard. Also, I do not ever set out to hurt or harm anyone. I make mistakes, and from your spelling I see that you do as well.
With that said, I'll take this time to let you know that you can remove yourself from my life because I don't wish to have pieces of shit in it. And you my "friend" are a complete Piece Of Shit. This is my space, don't bring your presence here just to try and bring me down. You will not get that from me, you will only give me more strength.
Sincerely,
The honest person, who makes mistakes.
Lost and found
It feels like a switch was flipped, like something changed almost overnight.
I feel stronger, more confident and more "me".
It took a "talk" from two different men in my life that mean a lot from me. One is my very good friend and one owns my heart. What was said, I am sure you are wondering. "Mainly, who the hell are you and what did you do with Rachel? I want her back". Where's the girl who loved herself and didn't give a shit what anyone else thought as long as she knew she believed in what she was doing and where she was going? The woman who would stand her ground and speak her mind. The woman who got mad and you knew it.
Honestly, I don't know how I got away from her. All I know at this moment is that I am way past done keeping her quiet. I was shaken, I was bruised and I was scared. And you know what, I am straight done with it.
I am a good mother and an incredible friend. I fight for those I love and stand up for what I believe. I may feel as though I stand alone more times than not, but I am strong enough to stand and that is all that matters. I have been holding so much in for fear of judgement and people not liking who I am.
Well you know what, if you don't like my life or my choices then you can just kiss my ass. This is who I am and you know what, that's okay with me.
Sincerely,
Big,bad Rachel
I feel stronger, more confident and more "me".
It took a "talk" from two different men in my life that mean a lot from me. One is my very good friend and one owns my heart. What was said, I am sure you are wondering. "Mainly, who the hell are you and what did you do with Rachel? I want her back". Where's the girl who loved herself and didn't give a shit what anyone else thought as long as she knew she believed in what she was doing and where she was going? The woman who would stand her ground and speak her mind. The woman who got mad and you knew it.
Honestly, I don't know how I got away from her. All I know at this moment is that I am way past done keeping her quiet. I was shaken, I was bruised and I was scared. And you know what, I am straight done with it.
I am a good mother and an incredible friend. I fight for those I love and stand up for what I believe. I may feel as though I stand alone more times than not, but I am strong enough to stand and that is all that matters. I have been holding so much in for fear of judgement and people not liking who I am.
Well you know what, if you don't like my life or my choices then you can just kiss my ass. This is who I am and you know what, that's okay with me.
Sincerely,
Big,bad Rachel
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Strength
Has anyone seen my strength?
I have looked high and low, in and out. Still I waiver. Still I feel so easily defeated. Some days I just feel like I can't get where I want to be. That everything and everyone around me are pushing against me.
Its time to rally up and jump. To hold strong in my faith that I can do this. I tell myself this daily, but I don't know that I truly believe myself. I need to believe myself. I can make my life what I want, and have what I deserve.
Tonight I am making that jump.
Here's to believing in myself.
I have looked high and low, in and out. Still I waiver. Still I feel so easily defeated. Some days I just feel like I can't get where I want to be. That everything and everyone around me are pushing against me.
Its time to rally up and jump. To hold strong in my faith that I can do this. I tell myself this daily, but I don't know that I truly believe myself. I need to believe myself. I can make my life what I want, and have what I deserve.
Tonight I am making that jump.
Here's to believing in myself.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Whats the deal??
Why do people act like they can't hang out without there children? Am I the only woman who loves her children, but doesn't need to be around them ever second of every day? Yes I miss them, yes I love them, yes I need them. But you know what? I need ME too.
I need to be a woman, I need to be Rachel. If I don't take time for me, what happens when my children are gone and grown? I'll tell ya what will happen. I won't know what to do with myself when there is no noise, when there is no one to take care of, but me.
I love spending time alone with friends, I need time alone and I adore spending time with my babies. And you know what....I need all of those things to be me.
I need to be a woman, I need to be Rachel. If I don't take time for me, what happens when my children are gone and grown? I'll tell ya what will happen. I won't know what to do with myself when there is no noise, when there is no one to take care of, but me.
I love spending time alone with friends, I need time alone and I adore spending time with my babies. And you know what....I need all of those things to be me.
Monday, January 31, 2011
Cycles of change
If you have ever spent more than 5 minutes in my company, I am sure you have noticed that I am a very emotionally driven person. I cry at the drop of a hat and I laugh over pretty much anything. For the most part, I wouldn't change it for anything.
I am just me. I have my bad days and my good days. I would like to believe that lately I am having more good days then bad days, but honestly that change is based on my mood. And I am anything, if not a woman of moods.
I am passionate and I am strong, but I also struggle with seeing those things in myself some days. Some days I feel like nothing but a failure. Nothing but a shell of the person I want to be. A person who shines even when nobody is looking.
I want to SEE, I want to DO and I want to BE.
This is my time. this is my change.
I am just me. I have my bad days and my good days. I would like to believe that lately I am having more good days then bad days, but honestly that change is based on my mood. And I am anything, if not a woman of moods.
I am passionate and I am strong, but I also struggle with seeing those things in myself some days. Some days I feel like nothing but a failure. Nothing but a shell of the person I want to be. A person who shines even when nobody is looking.
I want to SEE, I want to DO and I want to BE.
This is my time. this is my change.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Thankful Thursday: Coffee
In case you didn't already know, I am a HUGE coffee drinker. I drink it in the morning, afternoon and at night when it sounds good. I love the soothing feeling of coffee, much like tea with more flavor.
One of my favorite things about drinking coffee has become enjoying it with friends. Sitting down with a nice big cup of coffee and a couple girlfriends is so soothing to your soul. Much like other things, it can bring people together so easily.
I could easily be considered an addict. I mean, I do feel as though most times I "NEED" it. However, for me its more of a desire or want. I really, really like coffee. I love the peace my big red coffee cup brings me just by filling it up.
If you take a deep look into my life you can see the connections I have with people that share a deep love for coffee with me. Just hearing about one of my girlfriends enjoying a cup makes me smile.
Although I rarely sit down to the computer without a cup, I am capable of living without it. I choose not to.
One of my favorite things about drinking coffee has become enjoying it with friends. Sitting down with a nice big cup of coffee and a couple girlfriends is so soothing to your soul. Much like other things, it can bring people together so easily.
I could easily be considered an addict. I mean, I do feel as though most times I "NEED" it. However, for me its more of a desire or want. I really, really like coffee. I love the peace my big red coffee cup brings me just by filling it up.
If you take a deep look into my life you can see the connections I have with people that share a deep love for coffee with me. Just hearing about one of my girlfriends enjoying a cup makes me smile.
Although I rarely sit down to the computer without a cup, I am capable of living without it. I choose not to.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Inside
Some days there seems to be so much to say, other days I can't think of a single thing. Most days my brain is like a tornado. Its spins and spins and the direction changes on a whim. To say I am scatterbrained would be a complete lack of description.
As someone very close to me once said "If she is eating an orange and an apple rolls by, she will put down the orange and pickup the apple. Forgetting all about the orange until she comes back to it." Its like I constantly see shinny things or get big ideas that pop into my head and I can't remember where I am going or what I am doing.
I say this because I can honestly only take so much before I start dropping the orange so to speak. Me desire to help and nurture takes over before I even realize what I am doing. I make promises, overbook myself and get my priorities mixed up. I don't do this because I don't care. I do it because I am the crazy lady.
And I ain't kiddin on the CAH-RAY-ZEE part.
Now I may make light of my problem, but I do take it very seriously and I know myself inside and out. I can tell when I am falling, when I am soaring and when I am failing. The problem is that I can't tell til it has already begun. I can't tell I am letting people down and dropping the ball until I have already done it. I can't tell I am swinging into the sadness and self consciousness until I am crying. I know how to pick myself up, dust myself off and turn the tide.
If you know me well then you understand me. You accept me for all my flaws and you love me for exactly what and who I am. Because I am not willing to be anything but me. A strong woman who knows who she is and what she wants.
So enjoy the show.
As someone very close to me once said "If she is eating an orange and an apple rolls by, she will put down the orange and pickup the apple. Forgetting all about the orange until she comes back to it." Its like I constantly see shinny things or get big ideas that pop into my head and I can't remember where I am going or what I am doing.
I say this because I can honestly only take so much before I start dropping the orange so to speak. Me desire to help and nurture takes over before I even realize what I am doing. I make promises, overbook myself and get my priorities mixed up. I don't do this because I don't care. I do it because I am the crazy lady.
And I ain't kiddin on the CAH-RAY-ZEE part.
Now I may make light of my problem, but I do take it very seriously and I know myself inside and out. I can tell when I am falling, when I am soaring and when I am failing. The problem is that I can't tell til it has already begun. I can't tell I am letting people down and dropping the ball until I have already done it. I can't tell I am swinging into the sadness and self consciousness until I am crying. I know how to pick myself up, dust myself off and turn the tide.
If you know me well then you understand me. You accept me for all my flaws and you love me for exactly what and who I am. Because I am not willing to be anything but me. A strong woman who knows who she is and what she wants.
So enjoy the show.
Friday, August 7, 2009
Shabby state of affairs
This house is in chaos. There is so many things I want and need to do.
1. We finally got the fence done, but since have done not a damn thing in the yard and its shabby out there. I mean BAD. The weeds are winning the grass in the war to take over the yard. Between the kids and the dog, it *MAY* look like the definition of white trash trailer yard out there.
2. I am sure you understand why I sit inside the house at the computer now.
T3. he house inside needs to be organized. I say that loosely because I don't know what I can organize. We live in a house that we occupy every single bit of space in. There are not any closets or shelves. What shelves we have added in are completely full with kitchen things as I am a big time cooker.
4. The walls are white. *ENOUGHSAID*
5. Nothing really matches. Its all kind of thrown together. I am not really bother by it, it just feels like nothing really meshes.
6. I MUST HAVE CHANGE. This is not an options peeps, its a *MUSTHAVE* I rearrange the furniture, the kitchen gadgets and the things on the bathroom shelf. Its the only way I can *FEELLIKE* I am doing something about the way the house feels. Unorganized and skattered around.
Now while the previously listed things all bother me in one way or another, they are not listed in degree of saverity or anything like that. They are just the things that I know I would like to *CHANGE* We will be painting the house in September. THANK GOD! We are going to get our butt in gear out in the yard, cause by god it doesn't look like anyone gives to shits about this property!
Other than that...I think I need a different house and some money to fix the rest. Since the will not be happening for a while, I suppose I will just keep plugging away at trying to make it feel more like a home instead of a house.
Anyone have any suggestions for the crazy lady today? What do you do for change?
1. We finally got the fence done, but since have done not a damn thing in the yard and its shabby out there. I mean BAD. The weeds are winning the grass in the war to take over the yard. Between the kids and the dog, it *MAY* look like the definition of white trash trailer yard out there.
2. I am sure you understand why I sit inside the house at the computer now.
T3. he house inside needs to be organized. I say that loosely because I don't know what I can organize. We live in a house that we occupy every single bit of space in. There are not any closets or shelves. What shelves we have added in are completely full with kitchen things as I am a big time cooker.
4. The walls are white. *ENOUGHSAID*
5. Nothing really matches. Its all kind of thrown together. I am not really bother by it, it just feels like nothing really meshes.
6. I MUST HAVE CHANGE. This is not an options peeps, its a *MUSTHAVE* I rearrange the furniture, the kitchen gadgets and the things on the bathroom shelf. Its the only way I can *FEELLIKE* I am doing something about the way the house feels. Unorganized and skattered around.
Now while the previously listed things all bother me in one way or another, they are not listed in degree of saverity or anything like that. They are just the things that I know I would like to *CHANGE* We will be painting the house in September. THANK GOD! We are going to get our butt in gear out in the yard, cause by god it doesn't look like anyone gives to shits about this property!
Other than that...I think I need a different house and some money to fix the rest. Since the will not be happening for a while, I suppose I will just keep plugging away at trying to make it feel more like a home instead of a house.
Anyone have any suggestions for the crazy lady today? What do you do for change?
Friday, October 3, 2008
My love affair
I remember back a few year ago...I was clearly young and dumb. How could I have been so wrong? Narrow minded and... Okay I will just say it and get it over with...I was wrong, I LOVE hummus!!
Such great flavor and texture..I could literally put it on anything right now.
Long story short..Pregnant lady eating hummus...Stay out of the way.
Such great flavor and texture..I could literally put it on anything right now.
Long story short..Pregnant lady eating hummus...Stay out of the way.
Sunday, September 21, 2008
27 and growing....
I guess you could say I am now 27...
Have I learned anything? Yes...and no. But I have definately grown. I have learned many things, but there are still things I refuse to take in. I know I am strong and confident. Although I still have days were I feel that I am confused by things that are and that have come to be...
Overall I can say that I a very lucky woman and every year I learn more and more about myself and who I am. My life is what I make of it and I choose to make it be wonderful.
Happy Birthday to me
Have I learned anything? Yes...and no. But I have definately grown. I have learned many things, but there are still things I refuse to take in. I know I am strong and confident. Although I still have days were I feel that I am confused by things that are and that have come to be...
Overall I can say that I a very lucky woman and every year I learn more and more about myself and who I am. My life is what I make of it and I choose to make it be wonderful.
Happy Birthday to me
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