The one where I tell you all about how big of a wuss I am.

Did I ever tell you how afraid of dying I am? Oh yes, I know this is one of the things you should not fear, but how do you not? Even worse than my fear of dying is my fear of something happening to my children. Some days it consumes me and I can't breath. I so despise anxiety and what it does to me. I hate the feeling of having no control of things and not knowing what to expect.

How to I prepare for something that I don't know how to control? In my last post I talked about this crazy lady not taking her crazy pills at this time. Well those *magic pills* make this crazy lady more level headed. You know, no racing thoughts or inability to sleep due to fear or fretting. Well I can honestly tell you all this Swine Flu shit is going to be the death of the crazy lady!

I know we deal with the flu and all that comes from it all the time. I know we can treat the Swine Flu and I know we as a nation will get it under control very quickly. What I don't know is how to keep my family safe, I feel like there is nothing I can really do short of staying in the god damn house away from the world. My fear of RSV kept me away from 95% of the world for three months. We didn't really start leaving the house til April 15Th. That is how much anxiety I have about RSV.

I know I should not fear what I can not control, but can you truly control your fears? That to me is like saying you can actually be patient when you are not a patient person. Hence my lack of patience. I read a quote yesterday, Pray about everything, worry about nothing. I love the sound of it, but I can't make it work.

Oh, don't get me wrong I am a PRAYIN...But I am still a WORRIN.