Whats in a friend?

Friendship means many things to many people, but to me it means being a friend.

When I am your friend, I am your friend for life. I jump in with both feet and don't look back. Its all or nothing and honey I am in ALL THE WAY. If you feel like our friendship is not strong anymore, maybe its because we have grown apart. But I will always be your friend.

Life changes. Things get harder and easier to different degrees and angles. We keep those around us that make us feel secure and strong in what we are trying to achieve at that time. I can always be what you need me to be. I can do that because I am your friend and friendship is serious business to me.

Do you need a cheerleader?

Maybe you need a conscience?

Would you like a shoulder to cry on?

Or maybe, just maybe you want to give me what I want to give to you.

That is the kind of friends I need. I choose to be in the presence of people that bring out the best in me. People that support the way I choose to live and the things I hold dear to my heart. I truly can't take ANYMORE negativity in my life. If I don't bring it to your life, please don't put it in mine.

My life is full of love and strength. I share that with the people I care about and if we are friends I care about you. You matter to me and I will ALWAYS be here for you.

Beauty

It is truly sad the way the world looks at beauty.

Why must everything be about the way we fit in clothes or color our face? Is it to much to focus on the way we make each other feel or how we feel inside?

I have always been a bigger girl. I am not a little girl trapped in a bigger body or a chubby girl. I am a Rachel. I am the mother to three beautiful children that know your face and heart are what make you beautiful. I am the wife of a man who thinks I am sexy and strong. I am the friend of several beautiful women who I feel constantly bring themselves down to a level that they believe they are at.

As we grow and change through life our body changes. Our minds evolve and our hearts swell. I see women putting themselves down because they are not who they thought they would be or the size that they "should be".

It amazes me everyday what a journey life is, the ups and downs alone can be draining. The most important thing should be doing what we can to be happy in life. Not to be skinny, or to achieve all that we had set in our minds when started the journey.

Just enjoy the ride.

Forgiveness

I have always forgiven easy. I don't like to be mad, I hate the way you feel and how you behave when you are. Or I guess I should say when I am.

When I fight with the hubs it rarely last more than 20 minutes. I don't like the uncomfortable air in the house when we do. We haven't always been this way, but I like to believe that as we have gotten older we have grown to be smarter and stronger.

Long story, short? Since I had Cree I have become a forgiven machine. Ask for it and you will get it. I am done bein mad peeps. I don't want to hold on to anger the way my family does. I don't want to be resentful and cold. I WILL NOT BE.

4 people down and 1 of them doesn't even know it yet cause he won't talk to me. Sad, but true. I wish he was in my life, but in my heart of hearts I really don't see it happening. He is not there yet and I don't know if he ever will be. I have tried to talk to him, but he is unresponsive on all attempts.

I miss you Shawn

With all this forgiveness comes such contentment. I feel better in my head and heart in the last two weeks than I have in years. I wouldn't say I am any less nuts, but if you have been readin for a while I am sure you know the story.

So hows about we show some comment love to the forgiver in the house??

Faith, Family and Friends...

I am so sure that all the dear internets have thought I died...Well you know all 4 or 5 of you that is. However, I have just been enjoying my life. I am so completely happy and content at this moment. Cree is growing like a weed, weighing in around 16lbs already! He will be three months old tomorrow and it is completely killing me that I know I will never have another newborn baby to take care of. I am pretty sure I could have a million babies, but lord knows I can't handle anymore kids.

Today we got the kids pictures taken. I absolutely adore Sears Portrait studio...They ROCK! The photographers are amazing and the shots turned out absolutely amazing. I may be a little bias, but I am pretty sure I have the most B-E-A-UTIFUL children ever. They are each so amazing in their own way. Rainee is smart and loving, Rylee is full of spirit and fun, and Cree is so calm and cuddly. I just can't imagine my life any other way.

Did I mention that I have the most loving and caring husband ever? Oh I didn't tell you about the hot stud that I am married to? Oh yeah baby! Yesterday I shaved his head and this will be the haircut keeper from here on out. The hubs looks different, and we all know how I feel about hair so this will take some definately getting used to for me. We are not talking about a completely bald look, but the trimmer doesn't go any shorter! Now if I could just get him to grow a beard I could probably technically be sleeping with a new man everynight.

Oh and did I tell you I have me some super great friends? Oh yes...There is La, Crys, Deb and Shi...Names edited to keep those in hiding that don't want other people to know they are putting up with me on a regular basis. I am a tweeting facebookin fool and I love it! I have decided that life is what I make of it and I want it to be awesome.

Now about the faith...This is still a work in progress, but I am pretty sure I am headed in the right direction. I feel good about where I am going and where I have been. Will provide more EXCITING info on this topic soon...Cause I am sure you are all dying to know WTF is going on in my crazy head about now.....

I need a girlfriend...

I could not have written this post any better myself...Seriously its just exactly how I feel....This is the type of friend I used to have, that I NEED a replacement for....Here it is written by Miss Britt...To see her wonderful ramblings you can click on her down in my blogroll...

I notice it most when my polish is chipped off my toes.

And when I’m sitting at home flipping through HGTV reruns.

And when it’s a Tuesday night and the kids are in bed, Jared’s asleep on the couch, and I’m too restless to get lost in a book or a blog.

That’s when I notice the big gaping hole that’s still there.

The hole that cannot be filled with husbands, or kids, or Avitables. Or work or blogging or writing. Or working out more or watching TV less or signing your kids up for more activities.

It’s the hole that, much as we try, cannot be filled by family or friends that are miles away, no matter how many emails you send or IM chats you share. You cannot stuff it with weekend getaways or annual parties or long distance phone calls.

I know, because I’ve tried.

And while I’ve made new memories and discovered new sources of joy, the original hole remains, calling to me.

Especially when my polish is chipped.

I miss having girlfriends. Not that I don’t have female friends now - the technical definition of a girlfriend I suppose. But it’s more than just another woman to laugh with that I’m missing.

I miss the girlfriend that drops by your house unannounced on a Tuesday night. Sometimes she stays and bullshits with you for hours, and sometimes she just stops to say hi on her way home and, no, don’t worry about it, you’re busy, I’ll call you later.

And she will call, too. Usually.

Or maybe she won’t. Because things come up and she was getting dinner started and you know how that goes. And you do. But that’s OK because you’ll talk to her tomorrow or the next day anyway.

I miss the girlfriend that drags all of her kids over to your house and throws them in the backyard before you have a chance to say hello. And her husband sits with your husband by the grill while the two of you invent cocktail recipes in the kitchen. And you don’t even care that it’s Sunday, because people still have to eat on a school night.

I miss the girlfriend who calls your husband’s cell phone because you didn’t pick up at home and you never answer your damn cell phone when it rings and she needs you. Now. Her dog threw up in the living room and she’s stuck at work and you know her husband has an irrational response to puke. And she knows it’s ridiculous but dear God the man has put a bowl on top of the vomit and will you please go take care of that so my carpet isn’t stained before I get home?

And you do. And you don’t feel inappropriate at all calling her husband a pussy while you spray his floors down with Resolve.

I miss the friendship that is easy, even when it’s work. The one that is an integral part of your day and has long since passed the awkward, insecure stage of calling only to set lunch dates and dinner parties.

The one you don’t put makeup on for.

The one that’s seen you without a bra and after a good hard cry.

I miss the girlfriend that answers her phone on Saturday morning and admits that she’s not doing much. And, sure, she can run and get a pedicure with you that morning, because she needs one too and she just has to be back by lunch because they’ve got a family thing that afternoon and she’s behind on laundry. And so you spend an hour or two together and then you go back to your lives and your responsibilities. And, really, it’s no big deal.

Until it is.

Until you don’t have it anymore. And then, some days, it’s the biggest fucking deal in the world.

Like when your polish is chipped.