What is happiness??

Happiness to me is the feeling of pure joy. Now I know I will not have this feeling constantly and will still be happy. My point is that, the more moments we have that overwhelm us with Joy the happier we will be in the long run. I seek out these moments. I surround myself with those people that make me happy, that bring me joy.

Drama is so draining, so completly depleating. It takes your energy and brings out the worst in you. So, why do people thrive off of it so much? Why do people push to bring it to a head and jump in it? The only answer that I can come up with after this day from hell is simply because they need to start shit to cover up what they really don't want to say.

Now don't get me wrong, I am so far from perfect that it scares me to say the word outloud. The difference is I don't walk around pretending to be just that. To never own any of the problems or consequences is just no where near possible. I have spent months saying it was all my fault, owning every bit of the hurt that was caused and the lives that were changed. But still I am punished, still I am treated like trash?

Damn it can't you see that I just wanted to be happy? That I only want to be loved and cared for, the way I love and care for others. I know I've made mistakes and I know that I will make more in the future, but right now I want the happiness. I want the joy that I deserve after a year of straight sadness and tears.