Well hello there my dearest coward.
I see you have finally opted to saying something to my online face. I could not be any more proud of the ability you have apparently gathered to speak up for yourself. You are such a big girl waith your big bad words trying to tell me how bad of a person I am, all the while making yourself look like an incredible ass.
Maybe you didn't get a chance to read my entire post. Did you happen to see the part where I told you that you could kiss my ass? Maybe you didn't see the part where I pointed out that I will no longer stand for people judging my life? The part where I said that I have been punished long enough and will no longer stand for negative people around me?
Well incase you missed it, and just stopped by to slay your verbal vomit about me, let me make a few things clear. I don't lie. You may not like my opinion and you may not care to hear what I have say, but that is where the you can kiss my ass part comes in. I speak from what I have seen or heard. Also, I do not ever set out to hurt or harm anyone. I make mistakes, and from your spelling I see that you do as well.
With that said, I'll take this time to let you know that you can remove yourself from my life because I don't wish to have pieces of shit in it. And you my "friend" are a complete Piece Of Shit. This is my space, don't bring your presence here just to try and bring me down. You will not get that from me, you will only give me more strength.
Sincerely,
The honest person, who makes mistakes.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Lost and found
It feels like a switch was flipped, like something changed almost overnight.
I feel stronger, more confident and more "me".
It took a "talk" from two different men in my life that mean a lot from me. One is my very good friend and one owns my heart. What was said, I am sure you are wondering. "Mainly, who the hell are you and what did you do with Rachel? I want her back". Where's the girl who loved herself and didn't give a shit what anyone else thought as long as she knew she believed in what she was doing and where she was going? The woman who would stand her ground and speak her mind. The woman who got mad and you knew it.
Honestly, I don't know how I got away from her. All I know at this moment is that I am way past done keeping her quiet. I was shaken, I was bruised and I was scared. And you know what, I am straight done with it.
I am a good mother and an incredible friend. I fight for those I love and stand up for what I believe. I may feel as though I stand alone more times than not, but I am strong enough to stand and that is all that matters. I have been holding so much in for fear of judgement and people not liking who I am.
Well you know what, if you don't like my life or my choices then you can just kiss my ass. This is who I am and you know what, that's okay with me.
Sincerely,
Big,bad Rachel
I feel stronger, more confident and more "me".
It took a "talk" from two different men in my life that mean a lot from me. One is my very good friend and one owns my heart. What was said, I am sure you are wondering. "Mainly, who the hell are you and what did you do with Rachel? I want her back". Where's the girl who loved herself and didn't give a shit what anyone else thought as long as she knew she believed in what she was doing and where she was going? The woman who would stand her ground and speak her mind. The woman who got mad and you knew it.
Honestly, I don't know how I got away from her. All I know at this moment is that I am way past done keeping her quiet. I was shaken, I was bruised and I was scared. And you know what, I am straight done with it.
I am a good mother and an incredible friend. I fight for those I love and stand up for what I believe. I may feel as though I stand alone more times than not, but I am strong enough to stand and that is all that matters. I have been holding so much in for fear of judgement and people not liking who I am.
Well you know what, if you don't like my life or my choices then you can just kiss my ass. This is who I am and you know what, that's okay with me.
Sincerely,
Big,bad Rachel
Sunday, March 13, 2011
Strength
Has anyone seen my strength?
I have looked high and low, in and out. Still I waiver. Still I feel so easily defeated. Some days I just feel like I can't get where I want to be. That everything and everyone around me are pushing against me.
Its time to rally up and jump. To hold strong in my faith that I can do this. I tell myself this daily, but I don't know that I truly believe myself. I need to believe myself. I can make my life what I want, and have what I deserve.
Tonight I am making that jump.
Here's to believing in myself.
I have looked high and low, in and out. Still I waiver. Still I feel so easily defeated. Some days I just feel like I can't get where I want to be. That everything and everyone around me are pushing against me.
Its time to rally up and jump. To hold strong in my faith that I can do this. I tell myself this daily, but I don't know that I truly believe myself. I need to believe myself. I can make my life what I want, and have what I deserve.
Tonight I am making that jump.
Here's to believing in myself.
Monday, March 7, 2011
What is happiness??
Happiness to me is the feeling of pure joy. Now I know I will not have this feeling constantly and will still be happy. My point is that, the more moments we have that overwhelm us with Joy the happier we will be in the long run. I seek out these moments. I surround myself with those people that make me happy, that bring me joy.
Drama is so draining, so completly depleating. It takes your energy and brings out the worst in you. So, why do people thrive off of it so much? Why do people push to bring it to a head and jump in it? The only answer that I can come up with after this day from hell is simply because they need to start shit to cover up what they really don't want to say.
Now don't get me wrong, I am so far from perfect that it scares me to say the word outloud. The difference is I don't walk around pretending to be just that. To never own any of the problems or consequences is just no where near possible. I have spent months saying it was all my fault, owning every bit of the hurt that was caused and the lives that were changed. But still I am punished, still I am treated like trash?
Damn it can't you see that I just wanted to be happy? That I only want to be loved and cared for, the way I love and care for others. I know I've made mistakes and I know that I will make more in the future, but right now I want the happiness. I want the joy that I deserve after a year of straight sadness and tears.
Drama is so draining, so completly depleating. It takes your energy and brings out the worst in you. So, why do people thrive off of it so much? Why do people push to bring it to a head and jump in it? The only answer that I can come up with after this day from hell is simply because they need to start shit to cover up what they really don't want to say.
Now don't get me wrong, I am so far from perfect that it scares me to say the word outloud. The difference is I don't walk around pretending to be just that. To never own any of the problems or consequences is just no where near possible. I have spent months saying it was all my fault, owning every bit of the hurt that was caused and the lives that were changed. But still I am punished, still I am treated like trash?
Damn it can't you see that I just wanted to be happy? That I only want to be loved and cared for, the way I love and care for others. I know I've made mistakes and I know that I will make more in the future, but right now I want the happiness. I want the joy that I deserve after a year of straight sadness and tears.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
The Promising Happy Sunday
It started out the best of Sunday, on a wonderful happy note....
Last night was the cake tasting party that I never ended up tasting cake at. It was good times spent with one of my favorite people who has been missed horribly. It was giggles and laughs, wine and food. All things that should be involved in a good weekend if you ask me.
I still have all of today and if I had to go back to work today I could say that I had a fabulous weekend. Friends, for me, make the world turn. They are the family you choose, the family you want around. They make you smile without trying and cry for no reason. I am lucky to have people that love me, even if I have to keep reminding myself that I do.
And it ended up taking a turn for the worst....
She screwed me, a woman that was suppose to be my friend straight up screwed me and left me in a horrible spot. She was selfish and hurtful, all for no reason. Confused my children and purposfully hurting me. She will get what is coming to her, and I won't have to do a thing. I hope she enjoys the choice she made.
I was so not happy with my post ending that way, even though it was truly the note my Sunday ended on... Until....
I picked up my phone and called up my Sche. I called her confused and hurt. I called her sad and hopeless. And you know what she did. She took me and picked me up. Dusted me off and showed me that one bad friendship does not mean that my friends are failing me. She told me what to do even though I already knew. She gave me the pep talk and the direction that I needed to get out of sadville and jump into action.
I truly believe that friendships are what makes my life turn on its axle. What makes me shine or be cloudy. I need them to survive and to thrive.
To those of you out there loving me cause you choose to...
Thank you.
Last night was the cake tasting party that I never ended up tasting cake at. It was good times spent with one of my favorite people who has been missed horribly. It was giggles and laughs, wine and food. All things that should be involved in a good weekend if you ask me.
I still have all of today and if I had to go back to work today I could say that I had a fabulous weekend. Friends, for me, make the world turn. They are the family you choose, the family you want around. They make you smile without trying and cry for no reason. I am lucky to have people that love me, even if I have to keep reminding myself that I do.
And it ended up taking a turn for the worst....
She screwed me, a woman that was suppose to be my friend straight up screwed me and left me in a horrible spot. She was selfish and hurtful, all for no reason. Confused my children and purposfully hurting me. She will get what is coming to her, and I won't have to do a thing. I hope she enjoys the choice she made.
I was so not happy with my post ending that way, even though it was truly the note my Sunday ended on... Until....
I picked up my phone and called up my Sche. I called her confused and hurt. I called her sad and hopeless. And you know what she did. She took me and picked me up. Dusted me off and showed me that one bad friendship does not mean that my friends are failing me. She told me what to do even though I already knew. She gave me the pep talk and the direction that I needed to get out of sadville and jump into action.
I truly believe that friendships are what makes my life turn on its axle. What makes me shine or be cloudy. I need them to survive and to thrive.
To those of you out there loving me cause you choose to...
Thank you.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Whats the deal??
Why do people act like they can't hang out without there children? Am I the only woman who loves her children, but doesn't need to be around them ever second of every day? Yes I miss them, yes I love them, yes I need them. But you know what? I need ME too.
I need to be a woman, I need to be Rachel. If I don't take time for me, what happens when my children are gone and grown? I'll tell ya what will happen. I won't know what to do with myself when there is no noise, when there is no one to take care of, but me.
I love spending time alone with friends, I need time alone and I adore spending time with my babies. And you know what....I need all of those things to be me.
I need to be a woman, I need to be Rachel. If I don't take time for me, what happens when my children are gone and grown? I'll tell ya what will happen. I won't know what to do with myself when there is no noise, when there is no one to take care of, but me.
I love spending time alone with friends, I need time alone and I adore spending time with my babies. And you know what....I need all of those things to be me.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
As the time passes.....
It's funny how time moves forward even when your not ready for it. How things change even when you don't want them to. Even the weather doesn't do what it is suppose to do.
My point is, we truly have no control over most of the changes in our life. We do our best to steer the change or make the best of it, but most changes happened whether we want them to or not.
Everything has a cycle, we move through it and then move on to the next change. Family, friends, work...It all cycles through. Sometimes we need more from our friends or family than we do at other times. Sometimes our jobs need more from us than they do at other times.
You can fear change or will it away, but eventually it will process through. Personally, I believe that change is amazing. It refreshes us and makes us stronger. It gives us the courage to be more and do better. It makes us who we are.
So embrass it. Give in and process it. Let it help you open your eyes to more possibilities and let it give you strength.
Love,
Me.
My point is, we truly have no control over most of the changes in our life. We do our best to steer the change or make the best of it, but most changes happened whether we want them to or not.
Everything has a cycle, we move through it and then move on to the next change. Family, friends, work...It all cycles through. Sometimes we need more from our friends or family than we do at other times. Sometimes our jobs need more from us than they do at other times.
You can fear change or will it away, but eventually it will process through. Personally, I believe that change is amazing. It refreshes us and makes us stronger. It gives us the courage to be more and do better. It makes us who we are.
So embrass it. Give in and process it. Let it help you open your eyes to more possibilities and let it give you strength.
Love,
Me.
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