The poopy diaries

Today marked the 4th MAJOR blowout Bug has had in under 2 weeks. Now when I say major I mean *HOLYFUCKINGSHIT* MAJOR! Running down the legs, out the sides of the diaper and UP the shirt! Dripping onto the floor and OH GOD the smell!

As I sat at my kitchen table this morning, nice warm coffee cup in hand...I heard Lil R say, "Mommy, Bug pooped. ALOT." I look over under the jumperoo and I don't see anything on the carpet. Why do I look there you ask? Cause 2 of the previous 3 incidents have taken place in the jumperoo and the puddle on the floor was unmistakable. Especially while Bug continued to jump in it getting the *POO* squished up in his toes.

*OHGODHELPME* *SHIVER*

Upon closer examination I found there were 2 drops on the floor. So I picked him up to run in and change him. You DO NOT want to know/see what I found, but by god I am a sharer and I must.



Oh yes peoples...That is SOMUCHPOO. *DOUBLESHIVER*

After tackeling the worst part of the mess, all while wrestling a little boy who was hell bent on holding on to the poopy legs and wiping it on the wall! Where was I? Oh yes, the aftermath...Oh dear the wreckage is BAD. You should know I RIPPED the onesie off and it went straight to the trash.



Yes that is ALL POOP COVERED!

*SHUDDER*SHUDDER*SHUDDER*

Oh the smell!! Gagging!!

After bathing the bug and making his un-pooped I had to survey the damage to the jumperoo. It was hiding on the underneath... Behold.



To make a long story shorter..I will leave you with some facts. 2 weeks, 4 MAJOR blowouts. Times Jumperoo has had to be taken apart and washed? 3 times. Times carseat has had to be taken apart and washed? 1 time. Do you think he ever thought to just poop a little every little while like he was just two weeks ago? Nope, he likes to hold out for up to 4 days and just SHIT EVERYWHERE now.

Thankfully no little Bugs were harmed during these events and he had no problems going to sleep after the whole ordeal. He was exausted, apparently poop takes a lot of ya. Litterally.

Me and food are TIGHT!

You could say I have a LOVE/LOVE relationship with food. I love how it feels to cook it, bake it and eat it. The memories associated with food are amazing. I never regret eating something I put in my mouth and there is not much I won't eat.

I tell you this not cause I want you to know why I have the chubs, but because I think people should really stop looking at food like its the enemy. Why not just appreciate it and enjoy it in moderation? Does it not taste oh so good? Should we not just accept and incorporate?

I love to create new food, try new recipes and all around just get my food on. Comfort food is amazing. I love to share my food and give it as gifts. I truly appreciate how it brings people together in good and bad times. Different textures and smells, oh I tell you its just FREAKING AWESOME!

But do you know that the best part of food is for me?

Cooking for my family and friends. Making them things that you can enjoy and appreciate. The look on their faces when they are enjoying themselves or just hearing about how good it smells or tastes. Oh yes peeps, this is my FAVORITE PART!

P.S.I don't mind grocery shopping or puttin the groceries away either! Boy do I love having a big old house full of food. Being able to pick what you want to eat out of so many choices..That is DA BOMB!

So go now my peeps...Get your food on and enjoy yourselves!!

Forgiveness

I have always forgiven easy. I don't like to be mad, I hate the way you feel and how you behave when you are. Or I guess I should say when I am.

When I fight with the hubs it rarely last more than 20 minutes. I don't like the uncomfortable air in the house when we do. We haven't always been this way, but I like to believe that as we have gotten older we have grown to be smarter and stronger.

Long story, short? Since I had Cree I have become a forgiven machine. Ask for it and you will get it. I am done bein mad peeps. I don't want to hold on to anger the way my family does. I don't want to be resentful and cold. I WILL NOT BE.

4 people down and 1 of them doesn't even know it yet cause he won't talk to me. Sad, but true. I wish he was in my life, but in my heart of hearts I really don't see it happening. He is not there yet and I don't know if he ever will be. I have tried to talk to him, but he is unresponsive on all attempts.

I miss you Shawn

With all this forgiveness comes such contentment. I feel better in my head and heart in the last two weeks than I have in years. I wouldn't say I am any less nuts, but if you have been readin for a while I am sure you know the story.

So hows about we show some comment love to the forgiver in the house??

Why does it have to be so hard?

I need the answer to just that peeps. I can't take another god damn fucking minute of this rollercoaster. One thing works out another breaks. Why can't everything just fall in to place for once?

If I make piece with one, it creates war with another. Do I choose one over the other or an I just as bad as her? So much in my head and by god it needs to fucking go elsewhere! I am mad, I am sad and just way to fucking overwhelmed!

Do I choose to start this? Put everything I have into it and see where it goes. I want nothing to do with both at the same time. I will not put myself in that position ever again. To trust is hard enough with just one, but both...That would probably off me.

So I try to think about it. What would I do, would I have done. I really don't know. So then I think, just let it go. But I can't, I will always wonder and want to know what is truly none of my business. Add to that, he doesn't get it either. He wants it to be over and I understand that. I wish I could understand it all myself. I don't want to be in it anymore either.

I want peace.

Thank god for sun!

Oh yes peeps it has been sunny for two, count um 1, 2 days! WOOT WOOT!

You have no idea with natural sunlight can do for this flower. Its amazing how much it helps me to brighten my life. Today I woke up and opened the blinds baby! Bring on the sun. I had a cup of coffee (duh), fruit and some yogurt. Not only did it feel good, but it gave me the peace I needed to start the day. Just sitting at the counter checking email and such while drinking a cup of coffee with breakfast. Oh I think that it will be a new daily staple for me.

Some days I am in my own head way to much. I could drowned in there if I let myself. I have been so overwhelmed lately. I love routine and getting things done and I think that is where I need to focus right now to keep myself level headed. You would not believe how therapeutic it is for me to keep the kitchen clean. You *heard* that right my friends. I am cleanin' that bad boy daily, some times more! Watch out world, I kick ass with soap!

I am still forgetful, I still freakout. I am a total sailor in the swearing department and I am comfortably on the chubby side...But you know what? I am TOTALLY just me and I fine with that.

A BFF and a need

About a year ago I *lost* my BFF. She was a great listener, always on my side and incredibly understanding. She always knew what to say because, well because she knew me INSIDE AND OUT. The kind of knowing that comes from growing up together and being by each others side for 15+ years. Since this loss I feel lost. I am so insecure in my friendships is unbarable. Its like I was broken so bad I don't feel like anyone will ever want a true one on one friendship with me. Sure I have friends, but not a GOOD BFF.

I know I was spoiled. I was told daily that those kinds of friendships don't exsist and hell it sure seems like people were right since that friendship blew straight apart the day her husband tried to ruin my marriage with *INFO* that he said she gave him. Information that he went to my husband with and caused incredible hurt and sorrow for no reason. Some of it true, most of it completely wrong and hurtful. All I can say is WOW, that was so not what I thought it was.

I have not talked to her for even one second since that day. Not a word. She still lives in the same house, we still live in the same house. I don't know anything about her life and she knows nothing of mine, well I don't think she does. Some days all I can do is think about her and how our friendship was. I want to pout and scream. I want to understand the "why".

Some days I come close to talking myself into calling her or stopping by her house to just start over, to pretend nothing happened or that it was all just one big mistake. Then I get incredibly angry at myself. How could I think for even on minute that is okay? That it can be forgiven?

The hard days in my life are the worst. I mean don't get me wrong, I am one lucky woman. I have a WONDERFUL husband, 3 healthy/happy children and all the things I truly need in life. For 95% of the time I am incredibly happy with my life and feel so blessed, but oh god that 5% kicks my ass. Its like being thrown down a hill that I just keep rolling down. I know I have a need.

I need someone to understand. I need someone to *get me*. To love me inside and out because they can't live without me. Now I know what you are thinking, I have the wonderful hubs. This is true, but oh how he doesn't get the shit flying around in my head. Its to much for him and I totally understand that. Fuck, its to much for me most days. I don't talk to him about it because I already know what he will say and its not what I need.

He will tell me to get over it. Because to him its just that plain and simple. Have a problem, deal with it. Fix it and move on. He takes everything with a grain of salt and I really wish I had that quality. For me its not that simple. I need more and I can't for the life of me figure out where to get it. I was lucky before and it fell in my lap during 3 grade. I know I won't get that gift again.

So what now?

My current life..

I adore how much they all love them some She-Ra Princess of Power



Tons of days spent with WONDERFUL friends



And a little baby boy that is growing so fast it makes me sad daily....