Whats the deal??

Why do people act like they can't hang out without there children? Am I the only woman who loves her children, but doesn't need to be around them ever second of every day? Yes I miss them, yes I love them, yes I need them. But you know what? I need ME too.

I need to be a woman, I need to be Rachel. If I don't take time for me, what happens when my children are gone and grown? I'll tell ya what will happen. I won't know what to do with myself when there is no noise, when there is no one to take care of, but me.

I love spending time alone with friends, I need time alone and I adore spending time with my babies. And you know what....I need all of those things to be me.

As the time passes.....

It's funny how time moves forward even when your not ready for it. How things change even when you don't want them to. Even the weather doesn't do what it is suppose to do.

My point is, we truly have no control over most of the changes in our life. We do our best to steer the change or make the best of it, but most changes happened whether we want them to or not.

Everything has a cycle, we move through it and then move on to the next change. Family, friends, work...It all cycles through. Sometimes we need more from our friends or family than we do at other times. Sometimes our jobs need more from us than they do at other times.

You can fear change or will it away, but eventually it will process through. Personally, I believe that change is amazing. It refreshes us and makes us stronger. It gives us the courage to be more and do better. It makes us who we are.

So embrass it. Give in and process it. Let it help you open your eyes to more possibilities and let it give you strength.

Love,

Me.

Cycles of change

If you have ever spent more than 5 minutes in my company, I am sure you have noticed that I am a very emotionally driven person. I cry at the drop of a hat and I laugh over pretty much anything. For the most part, I wouldn't change it for anything.

I am just me. I have my bad days and my good days. I would like to believe that lately I am having more good days then bad days, but honestly that change is based on my mood. And I am anything, if not a woman of moods.

I am passionate and I am strong, but I also struggle with seeing those things in myself some days. Some days I feel like nothing but a failure. Nothing but a shell of the person I want to be. A person who shines even when nobody is looking.

I want to SEE, I want to DO and I want to BE.

This is my time. this is my change.

Thankful Thursday: Coffee

In case you didn't already know, I am a HUGE coffee drinker. I drink it in the morning, afternoon and at night when it sounds good. I love the soothing feeling of coffee, much like tea with more flavor.

One of my favorite things about drinking coffee has become enjoying it with friends. Sitting down with a nice big cup of coffee and a couple girlfriends is so soothing to your soul. Much like other things, it can bring people together so easily.

I could easily be considered an addict. I mean, I do feel as though most times I "NEED" it. However, for me its more of a desire or want. I really, really like coffee. I love the peace my big red coffee cup brings me just by filling it up.

If you take a deep look into my life you can see the connections I have with people that share a deep love for coffee with me. Just hearing about one of my girlfriends enjoying a cup makes me smile.

Although I rarely sit down to the computer without a cup, I am capable of living without it. I choose not to.

Classified ad reads "advice needed"

I feel like my mommy radar is broken. I think I am missing something that I should know how to do already. I feel like I am falling slightly short on the "what to do" front.

With that being said....I do not know what to do about the constant whining going on in this house. My girls are to the point where they are whining when they talk. They are crying in hopes for getting their way and full on throwing fits constantly.

Can someone tell me what I am doing wrong here? I try to give them a very structured day, offering tons of things to do and often places to go. They get treats and cuddles, everything I have to give them. Still they are not happy.

Now don't get me wrong, they do not get everything they want. There are plenty of "NOs" and tons of compromises. To be completely honest, I am exausted. I feel pretty defeated on the mommy front unless I am physically providing my kids with something to do.

My oldest only wants to watch tv. I am not okay with that. TV should be limited in my opinion. GO PLAY! But she doesn't want to. She is only 5, what will I do when she is older? My youngest daughter is by far the worst with the fit throwing. Screaming and hitting if you don't do as she wants immediately. Needless to say, she throws fits constantly since I do not waiver.

Its summer, I want my children to have fun and enjoy life. I don't know what to do to make them happy.

Advice needed.

Promise

I have talked about my Pride and I have talked about my Self. What matters most to me is my promise though.

I will not give up this fight. I will not back down and I refuse to waver. I will stand up and be strong for her. The games are still being played, just as they always have been, but it's all so different now. "They" see the games, they know the lies. You are a joke to everyone around you.

So we will wade through the crap you are piling up. We will "cross T's" and "dot I's". We will PROVE that you are the absolute worst thing possible for her. You are incapable of love and you know nothing of truth and compassion.

You are the most selfish person I have ever known.

I PROMISE to love her with all that I have, because you never did. I PROMISE to be there for her no matter what that takes from me or gives to me. But most of all, I PROMISE to never stop trying to keep her from you.

Defeated

I am feeling so damn defeated lately. I feel like my head is just below the water and I can only bring it above water long enough to take a breath of air.

I need strong shoulders and a caring passionate person to hold me up. I can accept my flaws and I know my faults. Why does everyone else try so hard to not own who they are and embrace it? Why not strive to be better and stronger? More loving and more passionate?

I tell you now if you don't have something supportive to say to me, don't bother saying a damn thing to me. I don't need anymore negative in my life. I quite literally can't take another blow. Life is hard enough without all the extra stress put upon us by others.

I need your support. I need your love and I want your respect.