Classified ad reads "advice needed"

I feel like my mommy radar is broken. I think I am missing something that I should know how to do already. I feel like I am falling slightly short on the "what to do" front.

With that being said....I do not know what to do about the constant whining going on in this house. My girls are to the point where they are whining when they talk. They are crying in hopes for getting their way and full on throwing fits constantly.

Can someone tell me what I am doing wrong here? I try to give them a very structured day, offering tons of things to do and often places to go. They get treats and cuddles, everything I have to give them. Still they are not happy.

Now don't get me wrong, they do not get everything they want. There are plenty of "NOs" and tons of compromises. To be completely honest, I am exausted. I feel pretty defeated on the mommy front unless I am physically providing my kids with something to do.

My oldest only wants to watch tv. I am not okay with that. TV should be limited in my opinion. GO PLAY! But she doesn't want to. She is only 5, what will I do when she is older? My youngest daughter is by far the worst with the fit throwing. Screaming and hitting if you don't do as she wants immediately. Needless to say, she throws fits constantly since I do not waiver.

Its summer, I want my children to have fun and enjoy life. I don't know what to do to make them happy.

Advice needed.

Promise

I have talked about my Pride and I have talked about my Self. What matters most to me is my promise though.

I will not give up this fight. I will not back down and I refuse to waver. I will stand up and be strong for her. The games are still being played, just as they always have been, but it's all so different now. "They" see the games, they know the lies. You are a joke to everyone around you.

So we will wade through the crap you are piling up. We will "cross T's" and "dot I's". We will PROVE that you are the absolute worst thing possible for her. You are incapable of love and you know nothing of truth and compassion.

You are the most selfish person I have ever known.

I PROMISE to love her with all that I have, because you never did. I PROMISE to be there for her no matter what that takes from me or gives to me. But most of all, I PROMISE to never stop trying to keep her from you.

Defeated

I am feeling so damn defeated lately. I feel like my head is just below the water and I can only bring it above water long enough to take a breath of air.

I need strong shoulders and a caring passionate person to hold me up. I can accept my flaws and I know my faults. Why does everyone else try so hard to not own who they are and embrace it? Why not strive to be better and stronger? More loving and more passionate?

I tell you now if you don't have something supportive to say to me, don't bother saying a damn thing to me. I don't need anymore negative in my life. I quite literally can't take another blow. Life is hard enough without all the extra stress put upon us by others.

I need your support. I need your love and I want your respect.

Pride

In case you didn't know, I am a very proud person. I take pride in my family, my friends and especially myself.

But lately all that I can think about is how much pride I have in her. She is so much more than anyone even gave her the option to be. So much more than they said she could or would be. She is bright, talented, smart and beautiful. He maturity and kindness make me smile just thinking about it.

You see I know I am a big part of who she is. I have done everything in my power to nurture her, love her and be there for her since the day she was born. I know that she is not suppose to be my child, but she is. She is so much more my child than she should ever have been, but I would not change our relationship for anything in the world.

I love her and expect so much from her. I want her to be the best she can at everything she does. I worry for her and I do everything I can to care for her. She is mine and she always will be. I may not have given birth to her, but I have cared for her since the day she came home from the hospital.

She is a huge part of who I am and I could not be any more proud of that.

Inside

Some days there seems to be so much to say, other days I can't think of a single thing. Most days my brain is like a tornado. Its spins and spins and the direction changes on a whim. To say I am scatterbrained would be a complete lack of description.

As someone very close to me once said "If she is eating an orange and an apple rolls by, she will put down the orange and pickup the apple. Forgetting all about the orange until she comes back to it." Its like I constantly see shinny things or get big ideas that pop into my head and I can't remember where I am going or what I am doing.

I say this because I can honestly only take so much before I start dropping the orange so to speak. Me desire to help and nurture takes over before I even realize what I am doing. I make promises, overbook myself and get my priorities mixed up. I don't do this because I don't care. I do it because I am the crazy lady.

And I ain't kiddin on the CAH-RAY-ZEE part.

Now I may make light of my problem, but I do take it very seriously and I know myself inside and out. I can tell when I am falling, when I am soaring and when I am failing. The problem is that I can't tell til it has already begun. I can't tell I am letting people down and dropping the ball until I have already done it. I can't tell I am swinging into the sadness and self consciousness until I am crying. I know how to pick myself up, dust myself off and turn the tide.

If you know me well then you understand me. You accept me for all my flaws and you love me for exactly what and who I am. Because I am not willing to be anything but me. A strong woman who knows who she is and what she wants.

So enjoy the show.

Whats in a friend?

Friendship means many things to many people, but to me it means being a friend.

When I am your friend, I am your friend for life. I jump in with both feet and don't look back. Its all or nothing and honey I am in ALL THE WAY. If you feel like our friendship is not strong anymore, maybe its because we have grown apart. But I will always be your friend.

Life changes. Things get harder and easier to different degrees and angles. We keep those around us that make us feel secure and strong in what we are trying to achieve at that time. I can always be what you need me to be. I can do that because I am your friend and friendship is serious business to me.

Do you need a cheerleader?

Maybe you need a conscience?

Would you like a shoulder to cry on?

Or maybe, just maybe you want to give me what I want to give to you.

That is the kind of friends I need. I choose to be in the presence of people that bring out the best in me. People that support the way I choose to live and the things I hold dear to my heart. I truly can't take ANYMORE negativity in my life. If I don't bring it to your life, please don't put it in mine.

My life is full of love and strength. I share that with the people I care about and if we are friends I care about you. You matter to me and I will ALWAYS be here for you.

Beauty

It is truly sad the way the world looks at beauty.

Why must everything be about the way we fit in clothes or color our face? Is it to much to focus on the way we make each other feel or how we feel inside?

I have always been a bigger girl. I am not a little girl trapped in a bigger body or a chubby girl. I am a Rachel. I am the mother to three beautiful children that know your face and heart are what make you beautiful. I am the wife of a man who thinks I am sexy and strong. I am the friend of several beautiful women who I feel constantly bring themselves down to a level that they believe they are at.

As we grow and change through life our body changes. Our minds evolve and our hearts swell. I see women putting themselves down because they are not who they thought they would be or the size that they "should be".

It amazes me everyday what a journey life is, the ups and downs alone can be draining. The most important thing should be doing what we can to be happy in life. Not to be skinny, or to achieve all that we had set in our minds when started the journey.

Just enjoy the ride.